Thoughts of Home
by MissWritingStoriesObsessed
Summary: 'Home is not a place, it's a feeling.' When Mike is redeployed for four months on a training mission, he and Andrea must learn how to cope while dealing with family life, the Navy and the constant fear of a repeat of all they went through before. [Spin-Off from Time to Heal.][Complete]
1. Chapter 1

**Thoughts of Home.**

Part One.

I decided to do a spin off to 'Time to Heal' but I think this can also be read as a standalone story.

' _ **Home is not a place, it's a feeling.'**_

\- How do Mike and Andrea cope when Mike is redeployed for four months?

This is an in depth look at how both Mike and Andrea cope when Mike is redeployed, they've been so close for five years, how will they cope with four months apart and all of the memories of their last two deployments? With two teens and a new born, both must overcome fears and other feelings to make it work.

Reviews are loved and appreciated. All mistakes are mine, let me know at the end if you want more of this story!

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

Andrea laid in bed, her eyes scanning over Mike as he checked his uniform again in the mirror. Neither of them had spoken, honestly, Andrea didn't think Mike knew she was awake, but then again, he probably didn't want to talk even if she was.

Today would be hard. Andrea couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. The last two times she'd step foot on a ship it had only broken her heart and lead her into a downward spiral of depression and self-doubt.

Deep down she was pleased, happy even. Mike had always wanted his own command, and she was proud to say her husband was getting to command the most famous ship in the world, but it still broke her heart to watch him leave. He was coming back, and she knew that, but she had become attached, probably more so than what was good for her. For the last five years, she had relied on him, she had fallen in love and to know that he would be away for four months would be hard. He was no longer a few miles away training cadets, he was no longer camping with Tom and his kids. Mike would be in the middle of the ocean, with only a static line at his disposal to keep up with all that was happening at home.

"I think it's been too long since I've seen you in dress whites," Andrea said, she hadn't spoken yet, so her voice was scratchy and quiet.

"Glad they still make an impression." Andrea smiled, pulling herself up to a sitting position.

"I don't think there will ever be a time when I don't like to see you in uniform, Captain," Andrea told him, but she knew him almost as well as he knew her, and it was clear to see they were both masking feelings.

Mike moved to sit down on the bed, reaching over to her, taking hold of her hand to gently pull her into his arms.

"You're going to be okay, love." Andrea nodded into his chest, not wanting to lift her head up, honestly, not wanting Mike to see her cry. She didn't want him to feel guilty about leaving, she was happy he was deploying in a way. He was a Navy Captain, he belonged at sea, plus, she needed to learn to live without him at some point.

"I know…"

"I just can't believe I am getting so emotional over four months. Before, four months at sea was nothing. Now, I'm dreading watching you walk out the door."

"I'm coming back, you know. I wouldn't go if I didn't have too…"

"I don't want you to feel like that, Mike." Andrea interrupted. "I want you to go, because you are a Captain, this is the job, I don't want you to feel guilty, I want you to feel happy, I just don't…" Mike pulled her into him again when a single tear fell down her cheek.

"I know, Andrea."

"I am happy for you, I am just so attached to you as well. I know we're both partly to blame for that, but who else am I going to turn to on my bad days?" Mike smiled, kissing her head before he answered her.

"You have over 200 other people who would gladly listen to you on your bad days. Me included. Radio silence is only four weeks, after that, you can call as many times as you need to." Andrea gave a weak smile but shook her head.

"I think we both know that's not allowed."

"You're worth breaking the rules for." Mike told her, expecting an answer, but happy enough with the kisses he got instead.

* * *

An hour passed, both Mike and Andrea were content cuddled up on the bed, using all the time they had left before he went away to be close to each other. Both of them waiting for the cries of their youngest daughter, so Mike could spend some time with her.

He was going to miss them all, but he knew one of the hardest things would be to miss Madilyn reach small milestones. She had changed so much in her first five months, and even now Mike swore she changed week to week. He just didn't want to miss everything.

"I think she'll be okay. The house is filled with pictures of all of us and Katie and Amy talk to her about you all the time. I know you're still going to worry if she'll remember you, but you're her father, I think children always know who their parents are." Andrea said as she caught him staring at the baby monitor on the nightstand.

"A lot can change in four months. Not just with Mads, but with Katie and Amy and you, and I won't be here. This isn't like my first marriage and I know that, but a part of me can't help but think about how much I missed…" Andrea sat up, nodding in understanding.

However, she didn't have an answer for him. Today would be a mixture of emotions, she knew Mike was happy to be shipping out, but of course, he didn't want to leave.

"I love you, Mike."

"I love you too, Andrea."

* * *

While Mike went to see Madilyn, Andrea slowly got herself ready for the day. It was nearing four in the morning, and even though she knew her day would be filled with home jobs that needed doing, she knew she wouldn't fall to sleep again after Mike left. She wasn't sure she would sleep for the first week, while she got used to sleeping alone again.

She wondered if she was overthinking things. In the end, it was just four months, it was a training mission, she just had to keep telling herself that nothing would go wrong, and if did then her husband would be in control and he would fix it, somehow.

As Andrea combed through her hair in their en-suite bathroom she thought about redeployment and hated the part of her that was slightly jealous. She had made a decision four years ago to remain on base, and she had been made one of the highest-ranking commanders and while she enjoyed it, and enjoyed being at home, being a mother and step-mother a part of her wanted to be out there again.

She felt so many emotions, happiness, jealousy, sadness, hurt, and partly excitement. She couldn't fully explain all of her feelings, but she knew she'd be thinking about them all day. She'd probably tell her therapist because in her heart she knew it wrong to feel jealous and excited that her husband was shipping out.

She should have felt terrified. The man who stood by her kept her calm and kept her sane would be gone for four months. Mike saved her life, and he had said on so many occasions that she had saved him, but maybe he had saved her a little too much. Instead of pulling her away from the edge, he picked her up and carried her to safety, miles away from that downward spiral. She was grateful, happy because it led to everything they had, but it also led to her relying on him completely. They had spoken about it; which Andrea saw as a good thing. They were both honest with each other.

Andrea told Mike that she was worried because she didn't know how to cope without him, but now on the morning of his deployment, she knew she would. He'd told her that as well.

' _As much as you feel you can't cope, you will.'_

Mike would be right, she had Madilyn to look after, as well as Katie and Amy. She had an engineering department to run two days a week and a social life to keep up with. She would cope, it would just hurt like hell because he wouldn't be there to kiss her better.

However, despite her worries, her thoughts, her feelings, the emotions she expected and the ones she didn't, she knew one thing was completely certain. She loved him. He was her husband, the father of her child and the one man she felt as though she knew inside and out.

Her love for Mike wouldn't falter. Not on this deployment and not on the next one.

* * *

As Mike tended to Madilyn he caught himself running through the last few years in his mind. How he and Andrea spoke so much about redeployment and transfers, but how much they never expected it to happen. At first, he didn't want to feel happy about it, but he did. Even on the morning of his deployment. He knew today would be hard, but a part of him felt as though he was going back to what he knew.

He knew the Navy tore him and Christine apart, and he knew that would always be a worry with Andrea, but she knew the Navy. He felt as though he belonged somewhere, he had his role as a husband and a father and he wouldn't change that for anything, but having his own Command had been his aim for so long. His mind was put at ease, knowing, and constantly hoping that Andrea wouldn't hold this against him, hoping the girls wouldn't hold it against him.

"I'm going to be home real soon, Maddy." He whispered to the infant cuddled against his chest.

He was worried about Andrea. She knew where she was coming from, they'd both grown to rely on each other, but where Mike had others, Andrea, at one stage couldn't cope with that, and he knew with her being on maternity leave she would have more time to think. Had she of been at work she would have had the same worries, but she would have had something to keep her busy. Madilyn would keep her busy, but he knew Andrea would also have time to think.

Mike took a deep breath. He wanted this, he wanted to be back out there, but a part of him wished Andrea would be there too. The crew he served with five years ago were such a huge part of his life. Lives lost crossed his mind daily. Everything that happened on the ship five years ago would always be on his mind, sometimes he would see pictures clearer than other but it was always there. Shipping out, without Tom, without Andrea, knowing he had three little girls at home, he knew that would bring up memories.

Memories of his time on the 'James' when the virus hit, and memories of how his family fell apart while he was in the middle of the ocean. This time around, he just had to remind himself that the world was healing. So was he. So was Andrea. His girls, the crew, everyone was getting back on their feet and that's what he needed to hold onto.

He wouldn't be coming back to devastation. He would be coming back to open arms, a house, a wife, kids. He'd be coming home happy with the job he'd done and happy with the life he was returning to. That's was he needed to think about on every difficult day.

* * *

Goodbyes were always hard, but as Andrea sat on the couch, with Madilyn against her chest and Katie and Amy on either side of her, she knew that they would get through it. She would document everything, she would speak to Mike whenever she could, but most of all, she would cope.

* * *

As Mike boarded the ship, he couldn't help but feel lost. He didn't realise how much a redhead and a best friend would make a difference to the 'Nathan James' but it did. He knew both those people were safe on the mainland, working just as hard as they did on the ship, but still, the sense of loss was there, however, along with that loss was happiness and pride.

He was now the captain of the most famous ship in modern history, and he was able to spend the next four months training the next generation of Navy Sailors.

He would spend the next four months thinking of home, missing his family, but coping with the new world they lived in.

"It's good that have the Nathan James back in service, Captain," Russ said from beside him. At least that hadn't changed.

"Yeah, it certainly is. Let get this show on the road, I have people I need to get back too."

* * *

This was part one. It's a little short, but I hope it was a good start. Reviews are loved and appreciated. Bethany.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thoughts of Home.**

Part two.

At the top of each chapter it will tell you who's life it is! With Andrea being on base and Mike being in the middle of the ocean on the Nathan James.

Reviews are loved and appreciated, thank you so much for the reviews given on chapter one. All mistakes are mine. Enjoy.

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

 _Months One: Andrea._

A month. It was coming up to a month since Mike had deployed, and although Andrea hadn't been majorly busy she had things that took up her time and kept her focused, which means that the time she spent thinking about her husband consisted of all the things she needed to tell him.

This week was the girl's week with Christine, and even though they were no trouble when she did have them, she was happy for the seven days she had where she didn't have to deal with teenage drama.

When Mike had left Andrea made a point of buying notebooks and photo albums for each of the girls. She knew sending letters to Mike would have been nice, but this idea seemed like a better one. Katie and Amy took their own and wrote in it whatever they wanted to tell their dad, from the good stuff to the bad stuff, and everything else that he was missing while he was away. Andrea filled in Madilyn's, everything from food to naps and milestones she was meeting, and every day she took a picture.

"That's a cute one for daddy to look at." Andrea cooed as she slid the photograph into the photo album, hoping Mike would like them after she stood for forty minutes at the store with an unhappy baby waiting for them to print.

"What shall we write about, huh? Let's see what Lizzie wrote, what did you get up to at daycare while mama was at work?" Andrea asked, watching Madilyn roll around on the floor.

She had come home from work an hour earlier than planned, but instead of picking Maddy up early, she had an hour for herself, sorting out laundry and making sure the girls rooms were clean, taking a minute to look through Lily's memory box as she knew her and Bill's wedding anniversary was coming up. She knew she wasn't celebrating it, and she loved Mike more than she thought possible, but she didn't divorce Bill, he and their daughter were taken from her, and she felt as though that gave her enough reason to still feel so empty whenever someone brought it up.

After she had sat for a few moments, letting some tears fall she brought herself back to the present which led her to where she was now. Sitting on the living room floor, thinking about what Madilyn had done that she could tell Mike about.

"You played with your friends, you went on the jungle gym, you like that, don't you? Why don't we tell daddy about your gymnastic abilities?" Andrea smiled.

She wanted to find something good to tell Mike, truthfully Maddy hadn't done so well with him leaving. Of course, Andrea, Katie, and Amy all understood, this was Mike's job and most importantly, he was coming home, but all Madilyn knew was that he daddy was no longer there. She didn't sleep at night, she wasn't eating properly, at first Andrea thought something was wrong, wrong enough to take her six-month-old to Rios and beg him to check her out. She was perfectly healthy, but that's when Rios had told her about her attachment to her father, and that it was normal for Madilyn to be confused. That was when it clicked for Andrea, babies cried because they couldn't talk.

"Or, we could write about how much you miss daddy." Andrea nodded, more to herself. She leant over to pick Madilyn up, sitting the infant on her lap before she picked up the small notebook, using the small coffee table to lean on.

Every so often she would pause her writing and kiss her daughters head, watching her for a few seconds as she focused on different things. She didn't think it would be so bad, but Madilyn changed so much from day to day, so, Andrea knew she wanted to document it all, to look back on years down the line, but also for Mike to read when he got home. Video calls worked, but it was never the same as being able to watch your child grow a little more each day.

Andrea knew he felt bad, so, she wanted to lessen that feeling as much as possible.

* * *

Hours later, after Madilyn had finally gone to sleep, after Andrea had bathed her, and put her into pyjamas, and then paced her room for what felt like forever, before just letting her cry it out, she could finally sit down and organise her thoughts. She still felt like she had so much to do.

Her therapist had recommended to-do lists, but not jottings on papers an actual list, so Andrea spent money on a notepad for herself that she could write all her thoughts, feelings and lists into, she did think about doing the same thing that she was doing for the girls, writing a diary of sorts for Mike, but she knew she would have some time with him, so she decided against it.

As she looked down at the list she smiled to herself, it wasn't as big as she thought and most of the tasks were simple things. Cleaning the bedrooms upstairs, doing the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, making sure all her paperwork was in order. Little things that she felt mounted up over time. It had been something she had done since she was in her twenties, she would write to-do lists and she knew it had made her a more organised person, Bill used to tease her about it, and so did Mike to a certain extent, but with Mike, Andrea knew she could just talk, whenever she was stressed she could vent and somehow Mike remembered all of it, he took it all in. Andrea assumed that was why she felt so stressed, because she had no one to talk at, and no one to talk too. There were just somethings she knew she didn't want to tell her therapist, but she did want to tell her husband.

* * *

The phone call from Mike was unexpected, but Andrea could have cried when she heard her husband's voice, somehow, he always knew what she needed and when she needed it, but she knew this was pure luck.

"I was holding it together so well," Andrea said, as she fought the tears that were pooling in the corners of her eyes.

" _I'm glad to hear it love, but I needed to hear your voice. Not having you here is harder than I thought." Mike admitted, and Andrea could picture him sitting at his desk, looking at the family photo's he'd taken with him._

"I knew it would be hard, but, it's not the massive things, you know? It's not having you there when I wake up and not being able to talk, I'm handling being on my own with Madilyn pretty well." She could hear Mike chuckle despite the line being scratchy and a little unclear.

" _I miss you too, but one month down, only three to go. Tell me about Maddy, how is she?" Mike asked._

Andrea shifted her position on the bed so she could lie down, hoping that if she closed her eyes she could at least feel as though Mike was beside her and not in the middle of the ocean.

"She's okay. She's restless and unsettled, but Rios said it's because of the change, or at least that's what he thinks it is, he reassured me that there is nothing physically wrong with her. Other than that, she is okay, the staff at daycare love her, and Katie and Amy are doing well with the babysitting," Andrea explained. She didn't want Mike to just hear the negative stuff.

" _She should settle. Christine said all three of the kids were like that when I deployed. Hopefully, she'll forgive me when I get home."_

Andrea chuckled, nodding despite Mike not being able to see her.

"How are you doing? I know you can't say much, but how are the cadets and the crew. I hope the engineers are doing their best." Andrea asked. She knew it wouldn't make a difference that she served on the ship and made it sea-worthy again, or that the CNO knew her personally, the mission was classified like they all were, she would know the basic 'everyday' details.

" _I'm okay. It's been a challenge, but I am pleased to be here. The crew is doing well, and the engineers are looking after the ship like the should be doing. None of them are you though."_

"Are we talking about skill or looks?" Andrea shot back, rolling onto her side, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep to the sound of his voice. She knew it sounded cheesy, but she missed him.

" _Both, love. Speaking of you, how are you really?"_

"I'm okay like I said, I am coping. This first month wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I have had a lot to keep me busy. Madilyn still cannot crawl, but she is getting so close and I am dreading it. She already manages to wreck the place, I can see it being worse when she can actually get around on her own."

 _Mike smiled, imagining his young daughter pulling at various things around the house, trying to pull herself up and eventually walk._

" _All I want is to be home to see her take her first steps. I missed it with all of my other three, I don't want to miss it a fourth time around."_

"Well, if you do, we'll just have to have another kid." Andrea could hear noises in the background and smiled a little, she knew what that meant.

That meant that everything she had to tell Mike would be put on hold because duty called.

" _As much as I want to talk about it love, I am needed on the bridge."_

"I figured that." Andrea said hoping to not let Mike hear the tears in her voice.

" _I love you, Andrea."_

"I love you too, Mike, stay safe." The line went dead, and all Andrea could do was drop the phone onto her bed and curl further up into a ball and just let the tears fall.

She knew she would be coming home, and she had been doing well, but hearing his voice, it again, reminded her that her husband wasn't next to her in bed, or a few miles out of town with the cadets, he was in the middle of the ocean.

Andrea knew she would be fine tomorrow, she would go back to coping like every other military spouse did, but for the next few hours, she would let herself cry, because she missed her husband.

* * *

I know chapter two is a little bit short, but I hope it was enjoyable! Reviews mean everything. Bethany.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thoughts of Home.**

Part three.

Now it's Mike's turn!

Thank you for all the wonderful feedback! Reviews are loved and always appreciated. Mistakes are mine, but I did spell check! Enjoy part three.

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

 _Month One: Mike._

After Mike spoke to Andrea he took a moment for himself before making his way up to the bridge. This was what he wanted, he was a sailor, he enjoyed being in the middle of nowhere, and despite telling Andrea how boring the sea could get, there were days when it was one of the most calming things to watch.

His heart broke as he thought about Madilyn. She had no idea what was going on, she didn't know that her father would be back as soon as he could be, she didn't know that even though he wasn't there, he still loved her so much. To hear she had been restless and unsettled had been hard, but he had faith in his wife and his children, he knew eventually she would settle, he just hoped him going home again wouldn't throw her out of routine for a second time, although, he was comforted in knowing that physically his baby girl was okay.

* * *

Mike sat in his chair on the bridge, listening to various things, watching the waves out of the front window, he could tell there was a storm on the horizon, something the crew would need to prepare for, but he had a few seconds to be in the moment. He would do anything to spend an extra five minutes speaking to Andrea, to hear her voice, he didn't care what they spoke about, all he cared about was hearing her voice, her laugh, her tears, he just wanted to feel close to her. As much as she was the more emotional one out of the two Mike felt as though he had come a long way from who he was over five years ago. He was more emotional, well, he had always been emotional, now he just showed them a lot more, he was more open and honest in both her personal and professional life. Andrea and his daughters had changed him for the better. The time spent with Katie and Amy after returning to the mainland after so long at sea, after believing they could have died, it made him a better person, or so he believed. He learnt how to be a better father, he tried to understand them more, he calmed down more. He remembered so many time, flying off the handle, getting angry and frustrated over petty things, but spending so much time getting to know his daughters again, he was calmer. Of course, Andrea played a big part in that too.

However, despite all of that he could say he was happy, or at least proud to be back out at sea. He had always liked the idea that he was a part of history, if only just a small part of it, and to now be running the ship that saved the world, even if that responsibility came with a lot of pressure to do well. Half of that pressure he put on himself, but the other half was from those around him and those back on the mainland. Despite it being a joke that the 'Nathan James' was Tom's ship, Mike couldn't help but feel like it was. It wasn't a contest, nor anything that Mike found offensive, but it was a constant thought in his mind.

"How's your family, Sir?" Alisha asked from the side of him. He had pleased when he heard Granderson would be his XO, not only because he served with her before, but because of her friendship with Andrea. He had gotten to know the woman well and felt he respected her on both a personal and professional level.

"As to be expected," Mike answered.

"And my goddaughter?" She asked, with a small smile. It wasn't the time for personal talk but, they both knew not to cross the line

"She's unsettled, but Andrea said she's physically fine. Rios thinks it's because I'm not there." Mike explained quietly, but Alishia's smile didn't alter.

"You'll be home soon, Sir."

"We all will, XO."

* * *

Mike had tried multiple times to contact Christine and his girls. He knew, deep down there would be a logical explanation but right now he couldn't see one. He wanted to hear their voices and listen to them while they spoke about what they had been doing at school.

Thoughts crossed his mind of Christine ignoring him, of the girls not wanting to speak to him, but he managed to push those thoughts away, he had a good relationship with his girls, and even though it upset them when he left, he knew they understood that it was just four months. He also made a point to tell them how proud he was. It was only when he got told he was redeploying that he actually took a moment to think about how far his girls had come.

From nightmares every other hour and not being able to sleep in the dark to where they now, practically normal teenagers with friends and boyfriends, going to parties and hanging out after school, Mike knew none of it was easy.

Amy still had therapy once every two weeks, even after three years, but after everything she'd seen and all that she had been through, Mike and Christine didn't have many concerns. Katie had stopped therapy a while ago but had found new ways to cope. Both himself and Andrea pretended not to know about the online support group she was a part of, the one set up by the government, and Christine acted as if she was none the wiser to the journal she kept under her bed.

There was always some night, mainly on anniversaries that the girls would wake up. Maybe not screaming, but they would be awake, sometimes they would go to Mike and ask for a hug, or ask Andrea to sit with them for a while. The latest coping mechanism had been Madilyn.

Mike smiled at the memory, the first time he found both his girls laid on the floor in the nursery he thought it was because of Maddy, but the next day both girls said they just wanted to be close to something good. It made Mike's heart happy to know that they thought Madilyn was something good in their lives.

He was sure when Andrea was pregnant he drove her mad with all the talk about the girls accepting the baby, the worries that Mike had about them thinking he was moving on and forgetting about them, or that the new baby would be replacing their brother, but the moment Madilyn was born Katie and Amy seemed to fall in love just like Mike and Andrea did.

Mike picked up the phone, looking at the clocks on the other side of the room. It was getting close to half-past nine at home, but he knew his girls would still be up. Dialling the number, it shocked him a little when Christine answered the phone.

"Christine, it's Mike…"

" _Mike! Hi, sorry, we've just got back, the girls did some late-night shopping." Mike could hear the girls chatting in the background._

"Don't worry, can I talk to them?" He asked, hoping they wouldn't be too tired, or worse, not actually want to speak to him.

" _Of course, just give me a second…" The line went almost silence, but Mike could hear the faint sound of his ex-wife's voice, presumably speaking to his girls._

Mike waited a few more seconds, looking at the various pictures on his desk, thankful that this time around they were the most recent ones he could find and not a year old.

" _DAD!" Katie's voice shocked him a little, but he couldn't help but smile at the excitement in her voice_

"Hey sweetheart, how are you?" He asked.

" _I'm really good, hang on a minute, I'm going to put you on speaker so Amy can hear you too." He waited for a second to hear his other daughters voice._

" _Hey, dad!"_

"Hey! How are you both?" Mike asked, leaning back in his chair.

" _We're good, we've just come back from shopping with mum, we needed some new clothes and school supplies," Katie explained._

"School supplies? Really, I swear I brought you some before I shipped out!" Mike said with a slight laugh.

" _You can never have too many notebooks, dad," Amy told him._

"How's school going? Andrea told me that you were both doing really well, she told me about your surprise maths test as well, but she wanted you to tell me what happened." He told them, hoping to keep the conversation light, also wanting to know what they had been up too. He knew the talk of missing them would come up soon, but for the moment he wanted to feel like he was at home and they were just with their mum.

" _I am really enjoying school, and I didn't do the test, that was Katie's year." Amy told him, and Mike could hear the smile in her voice._

" _I did well in my maths test," He heard Katie say_

"How well?" Mike asked, prompting her answer.

" _Full marks!" She said, her voice laced with excitement._

"That's my girl! I'm so proud of both of you, you're going to have to keep a record of all this work so I can see it for myself when I get back." Mike looked at the clock on the wall, he knew he needed to get some sleep, but he hated having to end phone calls.

" _We will, dad," There was a moment of silence before Amy spoke up. "We miss you, dad. It's been really hard not having you at home, and Maddy misses you too." Mike felt tears building up._

"I miss all three of you so much, and I promise I will call you again as soon as I get the chance. But, in the meantime, I want you to keep up with your school work and be good for your mum and Andrea, and know that I am so proud of you and I love you both so much."

" _I promise, we both will dad. We love you too." He could tell Katie was on the verge of tears, but he didn't want them to go to bed unhappy._

"When I get home, I will take you both out, wherever you want to go, a treat for doing so well at school, how does that sound?"

" _Sounds really good, dad."_

"Good! Now, I have to go, but I will call you again next week." He wanted to promise them, but he knew he couldn't.

" _We love you, dad," Amy said, and Mike knew she was speaking for Katie too._

"I love you both so much, too."

They said another quick goodbye and the line went dead. Mike put the phone back down on the desk, letting his head rest against the back of his chair. He had spoken to his wife and his daughters and although it was good to hear their voices and know they were okay, it broke his heart.

Hearing their voices was another reminded that he still had to cope with three months away from them, and, much like everyone else on the ship, to be away from family hurt like hell.

* * *

Thank you for reading, reviews mean everything. Bethany.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thoughts of Home.**

Part four.

We have gotten through the first month! Is everyone still enjoying this?

 **TW – Mentions of Panic Attacks.**

Reviews are everything, and I am so happy with all the kind reviews I got on the previous chapters. All mistakes are my own, I hope you enjoy part four.

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

 _Month Two: Andrea._

"I'm sure she's fine, Andrea," Katie said as she passed Madilyn over to Andrea.

Andrea had been at work, and since she was now happy to leave Madilyn alone with Katie and Amy she had called to say she was going to work a few hours more to catch up on some more paperwork. However, just an hour after calling Katie, the teen called back, and all Andrea was focused on was her baby girl screaming in the background.

"How long has she been upset?" Andrea asked, feeling her daughter's forehead.

"Maybe a couple of house, day-care said she was a little warm, but they said that the flu has been going around, they didn't think it was too bad, she didn't seem upset or agitated," Katie explained as she followed Andrea into the living area.

Andrea held Madilyn close to her chest, kissing her head and she bounced her up and down gently, hoping to sooth the infant so she could think about what to do. She'd been a mother before and she knew, logically, that Madilyn probably didn't need a doctor, probably a bath and some baby calpol before being rocked to sleep, but Andrea wasn't thinking straight. If she was she would have known that setting up a doctor's appointment tomorrow would have been fine, but the image of Lily laying lifeless in a hospital bed as the Red Flu took over her tiny body flew around her mind.

"Oh, baby girl, you're not well, are you?" Andrea asked, her voice laced with panic as Madilyn kept screaming.

"I could go and run a bath?" Katie suggested, sitting on the couch.

Andrea shook her head, she thought about giving Madilyn to Katie for a few moments, running the bath herself, giving her time to calm down, or calling Kara, or Tom, or Mike, or someone to help her out.

"Andrea?" Katie asked.

"Can you just take Maddy for a moment? I'm going to make a phone call, and then we'll put her in the bath, okay?" Andrea asked as she passed Madilyn over. She needed a moment to herself and she knew it was wrong, she should have been with her baby, but she needed to calm down before she did something stupid.

She was coping. She was doing well while Mike was away, but her baby was screaming and all she could see in her head was Lily, and she knew if she held onto a screaming Madilyn for much longer she would spiral into a panic attack, and she didn't want Katie to have to deal with the both of them. It was bad enough the teen had to deal with Madilyn. Both Amy and Katie had seen Andrea have minor panic attacks before, but that was when Mike was at home, or when Kara was around, or when Alisha living in the apartment across the hall, right now, it was the middle of the evening and she knew that no one could get here in the five minutes she needed them to get there.

"Shit," Andrea muttered to herself as she shut the door to the downstairs bathroom. As she was locking the door she pulled her phone out of her pocket, hoping to calm herself down before calling someone in tears.

She couldn't help but hate herself in the moment. Her daughter was sick, and she should have been able to deal with it, she should have been holding her and calming Katie, telling her that it was okay, and it was probably just a cold, but instead, her mind was spinning, and she was focusing too much on the worst-case scenario.

What if Maddy had the Red Flu?

She took a deep breath and pressed call. Mike wouldn't be able to speak to her, it would take too long for the call to connect and Kara had Frankie, so she needed to call someone else.

" _Andrea,"_

"Tom, I, I need your help." She let her head roll back against the bathroom door. She was really doing this. She was really calling the CNO, her husband's best friend, for help with her own child.

" _Okay, what's going on?" She could hear the worry in Tom's voice. She knew that Mike had asked Tom to keep an eye on her while he was away, not that Mike or Tom would ever admit it._

"Maddy, she's sick, she won't stop crying, and I, I know I should give her some medicine and put her to bed, but I can't focus…"

" _Andrea, it's okay." Tom interrupted her, his voice softening slightly._

"I'm so sorry, Tom. I know I should be dealing with her, but I keep thinking of Lily, and…" Tom interrupted her again.

" _It's okay, give me a few minutes, I'll come over and help you."_

Andrea listened as the line went dead, the house silent for a moment before she could hear Maddy's cries once again. What had she done? Why couldn't she do this? Why couldn't she look after her own baby? She needed Mike here, he would have helped her, he would have calmed all of them down. That was all she needed, some focus, she needed her husband to be home.

She thought she was coping, but clearly, she wasn't.

"Andrea?" She heard Katie's voice, but it didn't sound as worried as it did before.

Andrea took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, before turning, unlocking the bathroom door, and pulling it open.

"It's okay, she's calming down." Andrea looked at Katie who was holding Madilyn in her arms, the infant still visibly upset, but instead of screaming she was whining. Andrea looked at her for what seemed like a long time, before letting a few tears of her own fall. She had overreacted.

"Tom's coming over," Andrea said, the question in her mind still there.

Could she look after her own baby?

* * *

When Tom arrived, Andrea opened the door and shook her head.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking," Tom only gave her a sympathetic smile.

"I promised Mike I would keep an eye on you until he got home, so whatever you need I am here, even if that means helping you with Mads." Andrea gave a weak smile, nodding and letting him into the house.

"Katie called me from work to say she was unwell, day-care thinks she has a cold, but she wouldn't stop crying…" Andrea trailed off, watching as Tom went to stand in the doorway of the living room, saying a quick 'hi' to Katie, watching her feed Madilyn a bottle.

"She's calmed down, but I think Andrea needs a few minutes to herself," Katie whispered.

Tom nodded and gave her a smile before turning about around to face Andrea.

"It was like I was fighting with myself, one part of my brain knew she would be okay, but the other, I just kept seeing Lily and I couldn't get it out of my head, that thought of 'what if Maddy had the Red Flu?'" Andrea admitted, her voice breaking as she spoke.

Tom moved in to give his old chief engineer a hug.

"Maddy was tested, Andrea, she is protected against the Red Flu," Tom reassured her.

"I thought I was doing really well, you know, without Mike." Tom nodded in understanding moving his arms, then moving further into the house, out of the entryway and into the kitchen to make them both a drink. He knew for now Madilyn would be okay being fed, and after that, if needed he would stay a little longer just to make sure Andrea was doing alright.

"One panic attack doesn't mean you're not coping. It means you're having a bad day." Andrea nodded, but a part of her head would always tell her she had failed at being strong. Almost as if she was trying to prove to the world she could live without her husband.

Andrea sat down at the kitchen table, waiting for Tom to do the same when he did she looked towards the living room where she knew Katie was looking after Madilyn.

"Katie has Madilyn,"

"I should be holding her, it should be me calming her down, but I can't…" Tom shook his head, knowing that wasn't true, but also knowing how a panic attack could affect a person.

"Andrea, you need to take some time for yourself. Today was a bad day, but Maddy is okay, she's calming down, she may have a cold, but I am sure it's nothing too serious and I also know that Rios would have no issues with you taking her to see him tomorrow morning." Tom told her, hoping some of his words were getting through.

"I was thinking about having more kids today," Andrea laughed a little.

"I was thinking of having more kids, and then my daughter gets ill and I freak out like it's all new to me. I was a mother before, I looked at Lily, and a part of me knew that Madilyn was okay, and a bath and some medicine would fix it, but I just couldn't focus on it, I lost my focus and now my teenage stepdaughter is doing what I should be doing…" Tom could hear the frustration in Andrea's voice but didn't speak. He only pushed her mug of tea closer to her.

After a moment, he got up from his chair.

"I'm going to check on Katie and Maddy, just take a few moments for yourself," He said, putting a hand on her shoulder. He thought about calling Mike, using his power to get through to him, but he didn't think Andrea would feel okay with it. She was trying to cope without him and Tom could understand that. For now, he would stick around until Andrea had calmed down completely, and when he knew that Madilyn and Katie would be okay for the night.

* * *

Andrea waved to Tom as he left. He had stayed longer than needed, but she knew she couldn't complain, it was nice to have someone else with her, just in case. She was drained, both physically and mentally, and again came to the conclusion that she may never fully get over her panic attacks.

"Maddy is asleep, I was going to go to my room," Katie said with a smile stepping down the last few steps on the staircase.

Andrea opened her arms to pull her step-daughter into a hug.

"I'm sorry about today, Katie, but I am really happy you were here to help." Katie hugged Andrea a little tighter before letting go.

"Don't be. Me and Amy promised dad we would look after you like you look after us, and Maddy's my baby sister, I don't mind looking after her." Andrea could only smile, and be grateful that she had such a good relationship with Mike's girls, but then again, she had always had a good relationship with Amy and Katie.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Night, Andrea." Andrea watched Katie as she walked back up the stairs, leaving Andrea alone in the entryway. Slowly she began to lock the doors and check everything was how it should have been before heading upstairs herself. Happy, that now after such a long day she could take off her uniform.

As she got upstairs, she heard her phone buzzing, and instantly cursed under her breath, hoping that the sound and the vibration wouldn't wake Madilyn up. Although her daughter was across the hall, she swore she could hear everything.

Picking it up, she didn't look at the I.D, she just wanted it to stop ringing.

"Yeah?" She asked, pushing the door closed with her foot, half expecting it to be an engineer or Tom checking up on her.

" _Andrea, love?" She froze momentarily when she heard Mike's voice._

"Mike?" Andrea moved to sit on the bed, tears welling up in her eyes as she realised she was speaking to her husband.

" _Yeah, it's me, love…"_

"I didn't think you could call until next week," Andrea said, although she would rather have been speaking about other things.

" _Tom got a message through to be a few hours ago. How's my baby girl?" Andrea pushed herself further onto the bed, curling up into a ball, willing herself not to cry and she relieved her evening with her daughter._

"She's okay, better, I should say. I think she has a cold," Andrea told her.

" _Tom said you got a little overwhelmed, I'm sorry I wasn't there." Andrea felt a single tear fall down her cheek but made no effort to brush it away._

"It's not your fault. How much did Tom tell you?"

" _Not much, love. Just that Maddy wasn't well and that you called him upset."_

"I freaked out, Mike. My baby was unwell, and I couldn't focus," She debated if or not to tell him about her thoughts of having another baby, almost a way of adding some humour to the situation, but instead she just listed to all Mike had to say, once again imagining he was laid next to her.

" _We all have bad days, Andrea. Madilyn is okay, and Katie was with you and you did the right thing by calling Tom," She heard Mike say._

"I miss you so much, I just want you home. I know it's just a bad day, but our baby not well and I need you here," She felt her throat get tight as she tried to hold back her sobs.

" _I will be home as soon as I can be, love. You are doing the most amazing job, and I am so proud of you, and I love you and the girls more than anything. Andrea, you know if I could, I would be on a chopper out of here, but…" He trailed off._

"I love you, Mike."

" _I love you too, Andrea. Listen to me, I promise it will all be okay, and you will be okay,"_

"I miss you so much." Andrea didn't think she would get to this point while Mike was deployed, but she felt so empty and alone, all she really wanted was to be held by him.

" _I miss you too, and I swear to you when I come home I won't be leaving again until Maddy is in college," Andrea laughed a little, but didn't say anything else, she knew Mike would have to go soon, and she wanted to hear his voice as much as she could._

She pushed herself up off the bed, telling him she needed to change, she expected the comment that he shot back, and even if it did make her smile, she wasn't in the mood for flirting.

Pulling on one of Mike's old shirts she knew she was missing her entire evening routine and her uniform was in a pile in the corner, but she didn't care, she just wanted to fall asleep listening to her husband's voice, reminding herself that today was just a bad day, and tomorrow she would start again.

* * *

Thank you for reading. Reviews are life! Bethany.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thoughts of Home.**

Part five.

I feel like towards the end Mike goes a little out of character, but I am hoping you can cope with that!

Reviews are loved and appreciated, thank you for all the other reviews! Mistakes are my own, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

 _Month Two: Mike._

Mike felt on the verge of tears as he spoke to Tom on the phone. Heartbroken to hear about both his wife and youngest daughter. He knew Madilyn was going to get sick at some point day-care was a breeding ground for cold and flu, but he would openly admit he thought Andrea would cope better. To know she hadn't, broke his heart. He wanted to be there to support her.

Having witnessed so many of her panic attacks, he knew how hard she was on herself, and how tired it made her. It was only until Andrea had collapsed years ago that Mike realised how serious it all was, and since that time he'd watched Andrea work so hard on coping mechanisms and he too had done his research to try and help her, but knowing that she was alone with Madilyn and Katie, he knew that she would hate herself, and go so far as to say she was a bad mother.

" _I've just left, Madilyn seems a lot calmer, but it looks like she has a cold. Katie did really well, and I think Andrea just needs some sleep. I called Rios on her behalf, he said he would happily look at Madilyn tomorrow morning just to give Andrea some reassurance, and I made the call to Moore and Phillips, she's going to hate me, but I suggested she take some time off, maybe until you get home."_

"You're right, she's going to hate you." Mike dead-panned.

" _I know it's hard to hear when you're so far away."_

"She blames herself and then hates herself, and it spirals. I know Katie and Amy both know how to help her, but they shouldn't have to cope with it all, just like Andrea shouldn't feel bad that the girls have to cope with it," Mike said, although he really didn't want to.

" _I told her I would check in on her tomorrow and that she could call me if she needed me, but honestly, Mike, I think she'll be okay. Maybe you should give her a call, I think it would do her good to hear your voice."_

Mike nodded even though Tom couldn't see him.

"Yeah, I think I'll do that. Thanks for letting me know, and for being with her."

" _You'd do the same if it was the other way around."_

* * *

Mike took a few minutes between phone calls, knowing that it would be difficult to hear his wife upset, and knowing that his baby girl was unwell, and of course, that Katie was with them. Katie was fine, from what he'd been told, but both his older girls were sensitive and hated to see people ill or upset, he knew Katie would be worrying about Andrea and her little sister.

He looked at the photographs on his desk, and although it seemed so stupid, Mike hated that he was missing Madilyn's first cold. He wanted to be there, to live through the sleepless nights and the doctors' appointments, he wanted to rock her back to sleep and give her baths to calm her down. He wanted to do the little things, the seemingly insignificant part of parenting, that wasn't so insignificant. Of course, no one wanted a sick child, but it was a part of having children, and he knew to everyone else they'd joke about being so far away, lessening the chances of getting said cold, but Mike wanted to be there, with his family.

He constantly thought about his girls. Most nights he would fall asleep thinking of his wife, imagining she was in her cabin, working on reports and fighting off the nightmares. It hurt him to wake up the next morning and realise she wasn't there, his only bit of happiness coming from the harsh wake-up realisation was that Andrea was at home with their child. Mike knew he had two other kids, two girls who he loved and a son he would care about and miss every day until he died, but Madilyn was theirs, she was Andrea's and his own, something they'd made. It sounded cliché, but Madilyn was a miracle, she was the small bit of happiness that Andrea and Mike needed.

He wondered if he should call the girls, maybe try, and get through to Katie, make sure she was okay. Mike didn't want her to feel as though he didn't care when he asked about Andrea and Madilyn, but he needed to know for sure that they were both okay. If he was being completely honest with himself, he felt as though he needed to know daily if his whole family were okay. Sighing, he told himself he would ring the girls next week when he knew they were at Christine's when he knew he could focus solely on the two of them and all they'd been doing since he last called.

He picked up the phone, dialling various numbers and waiting for a connection, hoping Andrea was still awake, and her phone ringing wouldn't wake Madilyn, who he hoped was sleeping. He hoped she was sleeping peacefully, but he'd also experienced sick kids, sleeping, peacefully or not was better than awake and screaming.

His phone call to Andrea almost broke him, much like every phone call he had with her. He was a strong man, more emotional now, but still, he was a strong man, but to hear with wife cry was unbearable. All he could do was reassure her that she was still doing an amazing job as a mother and wife while he beat himself up for not being there. He so desperately wanted to make a joke, say something to hear her laugh properly, but he knew it wasn't the right time.

Hanging up, he couldn't sit in his cabin, he needed to do something, maybe take a tip out of Andrea's book, and push himself into his work, and just hope that time would fly by, because, today, for the first time, the bad outweighed the good, and instead of wanting his own command, he wanted to be at home with his girls.

* * *

"Sir, I would advise radio silence as soon as possible. A storm is moving in, and we may need help should the worst happen." Mike nodded, he didn't want to agree with Alisha, but he knew she was right.

A part of himself was making it personal. He wanted to be able to keep in contact with his girls, even if it was just a week, right now, Mike was too wrapped up in his personal emotions to cope with it. A part of him hated that, he needed to pull himself together, yes, he was a husband and father, but today, and for the next two month he needed to be a Captain.

He dismissed the members of the crew, leaving the room soon after them to head to his own cabin, he still had time before he was needed on the bridge, and he wanted to use that time to think of his family, just once more before he had to think about the ship, or at least make it a priority. He knew Amy and Katie had both written him letters before he left, he had read them over a hundred times, but he was about to read them again. He wanted to feel close to them.

"Captain," He turned to see Russ standing in the passageway.

"Master Chief," He acknowledged.

"I just wanted to check in, sir." Mike gave him a short nod.

"CNO got through to you too?" Russ nodded.

"For a different matter sir, regarding some information we requested, but he mentioned what was going on at home, and I wanted to make sure you were okay, maybe say a prayer for your daughter and the Commander." Mike took a few steps closer to the man, not wanting to shout.

"I would appreciate that, Master Chief." Russ nodded in understanding, he knew some members of the crew did not need or want his spiritual beliefs thrown at them, but Russ was happy to help when he could.

"I know they're both okay, Andrea's a good mother and Madilyn will get over a cold, but being so far away, it makes it worse. I have a daughter who is sick and needs me and a wife who looks at Madilyn as sees the child she lost to the Red Flu." Mike said, shaking his head, wondering if it sounded better in his head.

Russ motioned to the Captain's cabin, and Mike was thankful, not that it was a secret, but more because not everyone needed to know about the Captain's personal life.

"It's understandable, sir. The Commander was also involved in the human trial, and some of the symptoms we experienced were the same as those of a common cold, and of course, with the added mental images of Lily, it's going to be hard." Russ told him, agreeing with him, it was always hard, knowing the people you love and care about needing you and you're in the middle of the ocean.

"I want to be a good leader, I want my own command, and I want to train they guys up to be the best, but I also want to be a father and a husband. My youngest girl is sick, and it seems so small, but I want to be there with her, my eldest two daughters are going through school and I want to be there to help with homework and roll my eyes at teenage gossip and intimidate the boyfriends," Mike said, sighing at the end, thinking about how much Katie and Amy were growing up.

"Boyfriends, already?"

"Yeah, believe me, it's not what I wanted to hear either." Mike shot back.

"I will say a prayer for them all, but, you also need to remain strong. For the ship, for your family and for yourself. You have work to do here, and there will be work to do when you get home, but none of that can be done is you are not willing to be strong yourself."

"I really do appreciate it, Master Chief."

"It's an honour, Captain."

* * *

Mike spent the time he had free looking through the pictures he had brought on the ship with him. Some old and some new, but all of them sparking the same set of emotions. Happiness, sadness, frustrations, joy, love, heartache, and hope.

He looked at a picture of his son, the child he lost far too soon, smiling, he felt the tears building behind his eyes. Looking at the photo he had of Madilyn he couldn't help but smile, she was the spitting image of Andrea, and Mike knew had Lucas made it through, he would have loved the little girl to pieces. Mike remembered how much Lucas said he hated being the youngest, how he wanted someone to look after. Katie and Amy were all Christine, both beautiful and so grown up, and Mike knew they would have so many stories to tell when he got home, and for once, he would admit that he was looking forward to the lengthy conversation about friendship groups, boys and how maths was so unnecessary.

The final two pictures were of Andrea. One of them on their wedding day, and the other of Andrea and Lily after Andrea had come back from a deployment. At first, he thought it would be strange to have a picture of Lily, but, Lily meant everything to Andrea and Mike hated that he couldn't remember her well enough, but the reason he had the two photos was because of that smile.

Andrea's smile.

She had the same look of joy and happiness on her face both when she held Lily for the first time in six months and when she and Mike became husband and wife. Mike had never seen her smile like that, he had seen her at her best and at her worst, but when they got married it was something else, and Mike wanted to hold onto that, he wanted to remember the smile, the feeling, everything about that day, it was a day of laughter and tears, and although it didn't change much, it was a step forward.

Getting married was a step towards this image of being completely healed, just like Madilyn and Mike's redeployment. Mike wondered if he or Andrea could ever say they were both healed and had accepted all they'd been through, but the pictures Mike had, of his children, of Lily, of his wedding and his first deployment, Andrea's first deployment, and other events both big and small, they were all things that he could look at as steps towards healing.

And, if he couldn't look at them as stepping stones to being 'okay' he could look at them to get through the final two months of his deployment, because those pictures were his life, and the people in them were everything to him.

* * *

Thank you for reading, I hope you stick around for the next chapter! Reviews mean a lot. Bethany.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thoughts of Home.**

Part 6.

Are you guys still reading this? Thank you for the lovely comments! All mistakes are my own!

Reviews, like always, a loved and appreciated!

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

Month Three: Andrea.

"I don't understand why I need to do maths." Andrea turned to look at Amy as the teen sat at the kitchen table staring at her homework.

"I thought you liked maths,"

"Basic maths, but this isn't even maths, this is numbers with letters mixed into it. Why do I need it?" Andrea dried her hands on the dishcloth after washing the dishes up from breakfast. She turned to face Amy, hoping she could remember enough about algebra to help her.

"First, it's called algebra, and second, I agree, it's hard, but if your teachers say you need to do it then you need to do." Amy gave her a look, before folding her arms across her chest.

"See! Even you think it's pointless." Andrea chuckled a little, shrugging her shoulders.

"It's been a while since I was in school. Why don't you leave maths and work on some of your other homework, or maybe work on your notebook for your dad?" Amy nodded, looking down at her homework diary.

"I have an English essay, some science worksheets to do and then some History research, all for next week and for the week after that, so far I only have to do a presentation for Ethics on sacrifices and doing the right thing," Amy explained.

Andrea sat down at the kitchen table and glanced over to the living room where Katie was reading a book and Madilyn was rolling around on her floor mat, if Andrea was being honest, this is what a perfect Sunday looked like.

"Okay, so, all you need to do is finish your maths for Monday and everything else is done. So, what homework is due Tuesday through Friday?" Andrea reached across to grab the homework diary and the post-it notes from Amy's pencil case.

"Right, so Tuesday you have your science papers, Thursday is English and History and then next Monday is ethics. Why don't you choose something to work on for next week, and maybe jot down some ideas for your English Essay and Presentation. My mum always told me to do my work as soon as I got home from school and that way I would get it done and I wouldn't be worrying about it." Andrea knew Christine was the same, she had the girls do most of their school work when they got home, and Andrea wanted to do the same, but the girls had Mike wrapped around their little finger, so it was easy enough for him to give in, which only lead to upset and frustration the night before a paper was due and it was getting late.

"Can I do my diary for dad first?" Andrea thought for a moment before nodding.

"Tell you what, Katie, sweetie?" Andrea called through to the living room getting the attention of her other step-daughter.

"Do you want me to bring Mads?"

"It'll only take a moment, she'll be okay," Andrea said.

Katie appeared in the doorway, her book still in hand.

"I was thinking, if you wanted to, now you can write in your diaries for your dad, and then we could go to the park, let Maddy get some fresh air and when we come back we can make a start on homework before you go back to your mums?" Both girls nodded.

"Are you going to do Maddy's?" Andrea shook her head.

"I'm going to wait until tomorrow when I have some more pictures of her, but I know you guys still have some photographs of your school trip to stick in."

"It wasn't that much of a school trip," Amy said with a small laugh.

"It was time out of school and you got ice cream and a tour of the White House, and I am sure your dad will want to read about it, so, take a break from school work and reading and work on your books and then we will take little miss to the park, because I think she is getting a little tired of rolling around on the floor," Andrea said, waiting for Madilyn to begin whining after realising that no one was in the room with her.

"She just keeps trying to eat her feet."

"Lovely…" Andrea said with a smile as she got up, leaving the girls to sit at the kitchen table while she spent some time with Madilyn.

* * *

"You're feeling so much better now!" Andrea picked the infant up before moving over to the couch.

Madilyn started babbling and Andrea couldn't help but smile, although a part of her didn't want her to start speaking until Mike got home, the more she babbled away, the more Andrea knew she was getting close to pronouncing those key sounds.

She was nearing eight months, and Andrea did think she was behind in a few things, she could roll around on the floor and pull herself on her stomach, but crawling just didn't seem like it was going to happen, the doctor had said it was normal and that she was developing fine, and Andrea knew she couldn't compare Madilyn to Lily, but it was hard not to.

Teething. Madilyn was teething, she had been since she was 6 and a half months, but she didn't seem bothered by it. She had the toys and she would chew on them, but Andrea could see that coming later, the sleepless night and the constant crying. Her biggest hope was that Madilyn would wait until Mike got home to start walking or crawling, and if that didn't happen she wanted Mike to hear her first words. Maybe Mike wouldn't see both those milestones, but she hoped he got to see at least one of them.

She had written everything down, all of the little goals, and all of the things that Andrea was either proud of or worried about when it came to Madilyn, knowing Mike would be the same, and he would want to know. The closer Andrea got to seeing Mike again, the closer it got to his homecoming, she had two very sudden and very clear realisations, that one, Mike's four-month deployment was not as bad as she thought it was going to be, and nowhere near as long, and two, this would be the start of his new military career as a Captain.

That's what worried her the most. The next deployment would be longer, they could be transferred to, anywhere with an operational base and a dock. He could miss months of his kid's lives, he could miss everything he wanted to come home for.

"Let's not think about that!" Andrea said when Madilyn started and wave her arms around.

"Are you dancing?" Andrea laughed slightly, before pulling Maddy close to her chest, Andrea knew she was bias, but her baby girl was adorable and cuddly and cute and just the sweetest little thing and today was a good day, the girls were doing okay, Madilyn was happy, and Andrea could only think about how much love Mike was going to get from all four of them the moment he docked.

* * *

They walked to the park in silence, no one feeling the need to speak, other than Madilyn who was happy babbling and pointing at random things. Occasionally, Andrea would answer her or point something out, but the little girl seemed happy enough talking to herself.

"Why don't we stop off at the store first, you two can grab yourself a drink and a snack?" Andrea suggested. It wasn't often all of them went out together, even when Mike was home. They spent time together as a family, but if Andrea took Madilyn out it was normally in the middle of the day, or straight after daycare. When Amy and Katie did get home, they were tired or had already made plans with friends, which Andrea was happy about, but it was also nice to spend some time going out as a family.

"Sounds good," Amy answered for them both.

"Okay, well, you girls can get whatever you want, and I'll have to get little miss something."

"She doesn't like being left out!" Katie smiled.

"No, some of the girls at daycare said she keeps getting upset when the big kids go outside because she's not big enough yet. I think it's because she sees you two doing these things and she wants to join in." Andrea was guessing, but she knew it could happen.

"Hopefully she'll be walking soon though." Amy smiled.

"I hope so, but I think it would be nice if she could wait until your dad got home, it'd be nice for him to see it."

"It's crazy how much stuff we have to tell him. It doesn't seem like that long a time since he left, but I am coming to the end of my notebook, so I may need to buy a new one. I just have so much I want to tell him about." Andrea couldn't help but smile at Amy. Despite being the older one, she took Mike leaving a little harder than Katie did, not that anyone would say anything, but Andrea could see how hard it was for them both on different days and at various times.

"I keep thinking the same. Just think how much Mads has changed, and then the both of you, I think your dad will be happy to be home." Andrea said as they walked into the store.

"Go choose what you want and meet me at the checkout. And, mama will find something for you Madilyn."

* * *

At the park, Andrea watched as Amy and Katie played with Madilyn on the climbing frame, all of them laughing at the game of peek-a-boo Madilyn had started.

She was pleased that Amy and Katie loved their sister so much, it had been such a big worry for Andrea when she was pregnant, but to see them both now, constantly playing with her, looking after her, and wanting to hold her, she realised she had nothing to worry about, just like Mike had said. She knew at some point she should tell Mike he was right, but she didn't want to boost his ego too much.

"Hey,"

"Hey, are you worn out yet?" Andrea asked Katie as she sat down for a drink.

"I'm good. Amy is going to take Maddy on the swings, and I wanted to talk to you." Andrea smiled and nodded, watching as Amy carried Madilyn over to the swings, before turning to give Katie her full attention.

Since her slight meltdown when Madilyn was unwell, Andrea and Katie spoke more about how they both felt, and for the most part, it was helpful. Of course, Andrea kept things back, there were a few things the teen didn't need to be worrying about, and Andrea understood that Katie wouldn't tell her everything she felt, but she could sense something wasn't quite right, she was reading a lot more, shutting herself in her room, even Christine was beginning to worry, but not enough to say anything to Katie just yet, and Andrea had always felt more comfortable with the kids coming to her, that her asking them.

"Are you resigning, you know, from the Navy?" Katie asked after she'd taken a sip of her drink.

"No, I'm just taking a leave of absence until your dad gets home and we're settled again."

"So, for the next two months, you're going to be home a lot more?" Andrea nodded.

"Yeah, nothing will really change, I will still be doing the odd bit of paperwork and maybe going into work to do some checks, but you guys will be at school, Madilyn will still be at daycare, so not a lot will change,"

"I was worried about you. I spoke to dad a few weeks ago, and I told him I was worried. He said you can look after yourself and he'd be home soon, but anything could happen between now and then, and I just felt like I should check up on you. Dad said he wanted us to look after you like you look after us," Andrea nodding in understanding.

She knew she had the choice of not seeing the girls for four months while Mike was deployed, but she knew the girls, and the girls knew her, they wanted to see Madilyn, and so Andrea didn't mind sticking to the same routine they had when Mike was home.

"It's nice to know you want to look out for me, but I am okay, and I know you're older now, but you don't need to worry, I am okay, and when I am not okay I have people around me like your dad and Tom and Kara, the list is endless. So, we can look out for each other, but I don't want you to get upset." Katie smiled, and Andrea could see the tears building behind her eyes.

"Amy copes worse than I do, she cries at night, and I don't, but after she cries she feels better and she can move on, but everything just stays in my head." Andrea didn't know how to answer her, so instead, she pulled the teen closer to her body and held her.

"You are coping so well, Katie. You have come so far and it's amazing to see, but it's okay to have bad days and to feel down. Look at me, I was doing okay and then I had a difficult day, sometimes we need to have bad days or a bad week, and so what if you don't cry, you need to find your own way to deal with it. Amy cries, I cry, but you may find something else helps."

"Swimming helps, in the sea, because it's just so big and I feel like I can let all my thoughts go and they'll just float away." Andrea smiled and nodded.

"We had one sailor aboard the James, and every time he had a bad day he would write it down on a sheet of paper, then he would put it in a bottle and on the final day of deployment, on our way back home he would throw it off the back of the ship and that would be done, he said he could then step onto land with a clear mind," Katie smiled.

"I like that idea,"

"I did too. So, you do whatever you need to do, but please don't worry about me, I am sure you dad worries enough." Katie nodded.

"He does…"

Before Andrea could say anything else she heard Amy walking towards them, with a fussy Madilyn, who looked less than impressed.

"So, she decided she no longer likes the swings…" Andrea took that as time to go home.

Even if she didn't spend as much time outdoors as she wanted to, she felt her bond with Katie was a lot stronger, which was something else she could tell Mike about, and hopefully something Katie would eventually tell Mike about.

* * *

"Right! Miss Maddy is in bed, are you two all packed up for your mum to come and get you?" Andrea asked walking into the living room.

"Yeah, she should be here soon." The girls were sat in the living room on the couch opposite the window, looking out for Christine. Normally Christine would have knocked and said hello to Andrea and Mike, but since Maddy was born, Andrea and Mike went out to the car to avoid the doorbell waking the youngest one.

"Let me know if you need new notebooks for your dad, I will buy them for you." Both girls nodded.

"Can we ask you something?" Amy asked before Andrea could leave the room.

Andrea nodded, choosing to sit down, instead of stand.

"Of course,"

"Do you think dad will redeploy again soon?" Andrea took a breath, shrugging slightly.

"I honestly don't know. I think he might, but I don't think it will be as soon as you think." Andrea didn't know what to say, as much as Mike had said he was staying home Andrea knew she couldn't believe it. He would have to redeploy it was his job.

"I just want to see him, but not just in between missions, I'm worried I am going to lose dad again, we both are," Amy admitted, Andrea could tell it was the truth and it broke her heart, but she couldn't lie to the girls.

"It won't be like that because I won't let it. Your dad and I have spoken about it, and he is going to do all he can to make it up to you and to be there for Madilyn as well. You won't lose him, and if you mean to lose him in the literal sense then you still have your mum and you'll have me and Maddy, we'll get through it all together, and that goes for everything," Andrea moved to sit in the middle of them, pulling them in for a hug.

"We will all be okay," Andrea paused, "Why don't you write this down, in your books so your dad knows how you feel? He is going to do all he can to be here for the both of you and spend time with you. I can't tell you he won't redeploy, but maybe if we all learn to talk to each other, it won't be so hard when he does?"

Andrea didn't get an answer out of either of them, but she didn't mind, she was happy to just sit and hold them until Christine arrived.

"I love you both, and I know your dad loves you too."

* * *

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you thought :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Thoughts of Home.**

 **Part 7.**

Reviews are very loved and appreciated, as are previous reviews!

Enjoy part 7, any mistakes are mine.

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

Month Three: Mike.

Mike was part way through the stack of paperwork when he needed more coffee. Today had been different somehow, almost harder for him, and he assumed the paperwork had something to do with it. He never liked it in the first place, but over the years he noticed how completing reports was a lot easier with Andrea around, not that he would admit that it was becoming sentimental, or that he was becoming sentimental.

As he walked through the passageway he took note of different sailors, smiling at overheard conversation, wondering if Alisha would need him on the bridge or if something would come up that would pull his attention away from all the paper folders he needed to go through.

Reaching the mess hall, he made his coffee, knowing he could have made it in his room, but needing a distraction, not that the passageways gave him one, but he was sure he could extend his break longer than intended just by asking simple questions that required answers.

As he got his coffee and began walking back to his cabin, he smiled as a member of his crew approached.

"Sir, there is a call for you on the secure line." Mike's breath caught in his throat for a few seconds as he nodded slowly.

"It's the CNO, sir." Mike was nodded at Edwards before following him. Once in the room, Mike gave the nod for the call to go through and prayed to god it wasn't anything too serious. He knew a training mission meant a ship at sea that could fight in a battle, but Mike was three months in and already preparing to dock again.

"CNO," Mike said, answering the phone.

" _Mike, good to hear your voice, sorry about the secure line."_ Mike sighed a breath of relief, chances where Tom was calling from his office, and not from home, which made sense, but still, knowing that you're receiving a call on a secure line would always add some worry.

"As long as everything stateside is okay, I will let you off on that one," Mike added some humour to his voice.

" _As far as I am aware, everything is okay here. I saw your eldest walking to school this morning when I dropped Ashley off, she waved which, I think is a good thing, at least she didn't ignore me altogether," Tom chuckled._

"That will come, I am sure. Just wait until Ashley is asking you to drop her off a few streets away."

" _I think we may be approaching that point, but Sam, on the other hand, he's pretty happy with the free rides."_

"How's Sasha and the youngest one?" Mike asked, leaning against the desk.

" _They're both good. Sasha has put her name down for a training mission in Washington State at the beginning of next year and the youngest is now sleeping through the night."_ Mike smiled, but couldn't help but feel the guilt and upset rising in his chest.

"That's good," Mike said, Andrea hadn't mentioned much about Madilyn when he called last, but Mike knew he probably would have missed that small milestone, much like he would probably miss her first word and her first steps while serving.

" _Yeah, but you know, babies develop at different rates, or so Sasha tells me, so you could be coming home to midnight cries if Maddy still isn't sleeping through."_ Mike knew Tom was trying to make it better, but it would never be enough, in all honesty, he wanted to see Madilyn reach those milestones, not just hear about them.

"Speaking of kids, you thought about having more?" Tom snorted slightly.

" _This kid nearly got me killed, you really think I would want to do it again. I can deal with Sasha, believe me, but Sasha after nine months of carrying a child, honestly, I was worried to eat my food…"_ Mike couldn't help but laugh.

" _But, yeah, I've thought about it, I think Sash has too, I guess time will tell. What about you?" Tom didn't think it would be right to say how Andrea was thinking about having more children, it wasn't his place, and he didn't know how serious her thoughts were._

"It's down to Andrea, but if she's willing, it'd be nice, you know Amy and Katie are growing up and Madilyn is this tiny miracle, who may not be so tiny anymore, but yeah, never thought I would want more kids after the virus, but I didn't think I would want another wife, or relationship and look where I am now."

" _I think we all thought we wouldn't want a lot of things while at sea, but now, the both of us, happily married, kids, doing the best we can."_ Mike had to agree with that.

" _Anyway, enough of kid talk, how's my ship?"_

"I think you mean _my_ ship, but either way, she's doing well. We've had a few engineering difficulties, not that I'll tell Andrea, but the recruits are doing well, pilots are doing well, this mission has gone better than expected. We survived a storm, radio silence and a few minimal engine failures, most of which were planned." Mike explained, trying to think of the key moments in training.

" _So, you've enjoyed being Captain?"_

"Enjoyed is a pretty strong word, but I guess so. I think a six-month deployment with a fully trained crew will be different, but, we'll see." Mike wondered if his statement would get a reaction out of Tom. Not that he minded being redeployed, Mike just wanted to know if it was on the cards within the next few months.

" _I think a deployment with a fully trained crew will be fast approaching, but we have other ships in the fleet now, and as far as I am aware, no one is threatening war, although China does seem to be planning something, as does Russia, but when is Russia not?" Tom chuckled._

"Do you miss it?" Mike asked.

" _Sometimes. Sometimes I want to be out there, but then again, being here I get to see my kids, be a father, I like that too. Being CNO is different, but it's a job I like, and it means I am home for dinner, but being at sea is definitely something I miss."_

"You think you'll redeploy, given the chance?" Mike asked, this time sitting down at the desk in the communications room.

" _Given the chance and the right circumstances, maybe, but someone needs to stay home and make sure all the paperwork is signed."_

"That is true."

" _I think this will be a new normal, Mike. We settled into family life, and now with redeployments, and everything getting back on track, you spent three years on land training cadets and doing six-week sea trials, but now, we need deployments to last longer, we need to be a constant force in the water, ships, and submarines, so as much as I would love the chance to be back out there, this is what it is now."_

"Makes me wonder if we'll ever get to a place where this is normal, or where we can deploy without the fear of another war or pandemic." Mike heard Tom sigh on the other end.

" _Hopefully, in time."_

Mike heard something behind him, turning he saw Russ stood there waiting to speak to him, meaning something was either wrong, or someone had messed up, either way, he knew he needed to end the call to Tom.

" _Well, duty calls," Mike said._

"Take care, Mike."

" _Yes, Sir."_

* * *

"Master Chief, what can I do for you?" Mike asked, giving a short nod to the sailor in charge of communications before walking out of the room and into the passageway.

"We are having some issue with training, Captain."

"What kind of issues?" Russ gave him a look and Mike nodded in understanding.

"Nathan James is one of the most famous ships in the world, and some are either pushing themselves too hard or not pushing themselves enough. I know a lot of these cadets were chosen due to age and ability because we needed personnel after the pandemic and for the last three years all they've done is train, but it's causing tension between our new recruits and old crew. One of our recruits told Wolf that the crew didn't do enough, of course, Vulture team didn't like hearing that." Mike crossed his arms, shaking his head.

He now regretted telling Tom everything was fine. Did he miss something? He knew from the start some cadets still didn't want to be here, but he had spoken to them all, and they all seemed willing. Of course, they were also human and he knew being a Naval Destroyer miles from home could ne nerve wracking no matter how dedicated you were to the Military or the United States, and over time, both himself and Tom had learnt how to handle that, along with other things such a sea sickness, home sickness and just a general fear of being in the middle of the ocean, but Mike didn't think anyone on the ship would go as low as to criticize what the old crew had been through and how hard they'd had to fight in order to spread the cure and to stop a world war.

Then again, tensions like this were expected. Even the President had predicted some unwilling cadets, but the Military needed personnel.

"Maybe it's time to put them to the test, see what they are really made of?" Mike suggested. The Master Chief only nodded in agreement.

"Make the announcement at twenty-three hundred. I'll get in contact with the USS Louisiana, they're not too far out, maybe myself and Captain Wilson can come to some sort of agreement." Russ nodded again.

"I'll be ready, Sir."

"Thank you, Master Chief."

Mike walked back to his cabin, paperwork awaited him, but it was moments like this when he wished someone was with him, either Tom or Andrea. It wasn't all the time he wanted them around, simply because he knew the circumstances that lead them to still being on the mainland, but hell, he just wanted someone to talk to. Tom had been a friend for years, even before they served together, and even when Tom became his CO, nothing seemed to change other than rank, the same sarcasm and trust were there. It was the same with Andrea. Although they hadn't been friends for long, he met her serving on the Nathan James, and just like everyone had told him, she was easy to get along with.

From there Mike, and more importantly Tom knew he had a chain of command he could trust.

Mike had that now. He trusted Alisha and Russ, as well as most of the other senior members of the crew, but he missed the conversations with Tom, the sarcasm in his friend's tone when speaking of enemy ships and battle plans, he missed Andrea, her quick-witted remarks, and caring nature, of course, now he missed all of her, she was his wife, and he'd grown to know her so personally, but even before that, he considered her a friend.

As he reached his cabin, he forced himself to think about the task at hand. Sorting out his crew. Making sure they were trained and the right people for the job. Much like always, he would think about his wife, family, and friends later, right now, he needed to do his job, but Mike had noticed, the closer they got to home, the harder it was becoming to just be the Captain. Maybe it was because he was so ready to be a husband and a father?

* * *

"This is the ship that saved the world," Mike began as he stood on the landing deck in front of the cadets.

"This is the ship that spread the cure, that stopped a world war, but this is also the ship that took all the hits. Both professionally and personally. The crew of this ship, not only dealt with enemies in the water, but also in their minds and their hearts. Everyone who served aboard this destroyer in the middle of the pandemic lost someone, a family member, a friend and sometimes even a crewmate." Mike stopped to look around, he wondered if he would be any good at this. Honestly, it was always Tom who managed to boost morale and give a good speech.

"Despite the loss, many of those crew members are back onboard today to help you, to train you, to give you the survival lessons they learnt, and not just the survival skills to outrun a submarine or take on a small army, but the mental survival skills, the ones needed to make sure you stay sane. The crew of the Nathan James became family because there were times when we wondered if we were the only people left. This crew, this ship, the people around you only had one goal and that was to find a cure. We did that. But, here's the thing," He paused,

"I've heard some of you say it and I know others have heard some of you say it, that we didn't do enough, and yes, I agree with you. If we had done more than maybe we could have saved everyone, but we didn't, but we did what we could. Aboard this ship, Dr Rachel Scott fought to find a cure, some may even say she died for this cure, why? Because she saw the bigger picture. Tom Chandler, now our CNO, lost his wife, his father and many crew members finding this cure, and he kept on going, why? Because he knew what was at play, and he knew he needed to keep on going to ensure the world got back on its feet. You walk down the halls of this ship and you will see the names of every sailor who lost their lives. Why? Because they had a job to do and they did it to the best of their ability and every life lost made the rest of us more determined," Mike took a few steps forward.

"Why are you here? Some of you are here because you want to be here, and some of your, maybe would say you were forced, but everyone else stood on this deck, the senior officers, the flight crew, the vulture team, and anyone who served previously, we are here because we know what could happen if we're not. If you take anything from what I have said, then take this, being here is hard, I know some of you miss home, and I know for some of you it's worrying because you've heard stories about the pandemic, and I understand that and no one, including myself, will ever judge you for that, because I can tell you now, being the only ship in the middle of the ocean during a pandemic is terrifying," That got a laugh from the cadets.

"You need to remember that we saved the world once and we can do it again and that is why you are here, that is what you are training for. Some of you are here to heal. Five years after the pandemic hit you are still healing, and believe me, that's okay. A wise person once told me, healing takes time, and even then, we may never fully heal. I want you to take that with you. Whatever reason you have for being here, be proud of it because it will make you a better person, a better sailor, and a better fighter." Mike didn't know if it would make an impact at all, or if he was just saying words, however, it made him feel better.

This was not an ordinary training mission, so he wasn't going to treat it like one. He would blame Andrea and his kids, but he knew he was getting soft, but if that meant getting skilled sailors in return, hell, he'd do it.

* * *

A little 'off' at the end, but it was interesting to write! Reviews are life! Thank you for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thoughts of Home.**

 **Part 8.**

Reviews are loved and appreciated, like always they mean so much. Thank you for all the previous reviews, I love reading them. I promise, I have spell checked this, but any mistakes are my own.

I hope you enjoy part 8!

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

Month four: Andrea.

"Are you sure you don't mind? I can take her with me, it's not a problem." Andrea said to Sasha for the third time.

The other woman only smiled and shook her head, bouncing Madilyn on her knee.

"It's fine, Andrea, I promise. Besides, Tom is spending some quality time with the kids and once I put this one to bed, I am going to take advantage of this time on my own and do some reading and some paperwork." Sasha told her.

Andrea nodded, looking at Madilyn who seemed oblivious to what was going on. Andrea knew the little one would probably begin to cry when she realised Andrea was gone, but she trusted Sasha and trusted that Madilyn would settle down eventually.

"Go! Do what you need to do, if anything happens I will call you."

* * *

Andrea drove to her therapist's office in silence, no radio, no phone calls, just silence.

She was enjoying having someone to talk to every two weeks, and she was grateful that she could speak about anything and everything. Sometimes she would speak about the girls, sometimes it was about Mike, but then other times she would talk about Lily and Bill, her life before the virus, her work, and then on some days it would just be random venting of anything that had upset her over the last two weeks.

But tonight, she knew exactly what she wanted to talk about. Homecoming.

To everyone else, she was happy and excited. She had been cleaning the house like a madwoman, and sorting outfits out for all the kids in the run-up to Mike being home, She, Sasha, and Kara had made plans for parties and gatherings in the week after they docked, and Andrea was enjoying all of the excitement, but a part of her wasn't.

A part of her was dreading it, maybe it a way that made her sound selfish, but it was something she needed to talk about, something she needed to say out loud in order to deal with it, but she didn't feel as though she could share it with anyone on the base, or even Mike, she had horrible visions of her explaining how worried she was and Mike hating her for it, because at the end of the day, her husband had been gone for four months and she felt the only emotion she should feel was excitement over knowing that in three-weeks' time she would be able to see him again.

Georgia was a therapist from Texas, and from Andrea's point of view, she was a saving grace at the best of times.

"You don't look as happy as you did last week, Andrea." The woman said as the pair sat on the comfortable couches in a well-lit room.

"I want to be happier, especially with the homecoming, but I just can't seem to find it in me, and I've left Maddy with a friend," Andrea paused, looking at Georgia, who was nodding along to what she was saying.

"I trust the friend, she's married to Mike's best friend and they have a child around the same age as Mads, but, you know, leaving her is hard."

"After her bout of cold and flu and how you felt that is completely understandable," Georgia reassured her.

There was a moment of silence where Andrea tried to figure out what to say. It reminded her of some of her first sessions with Georgia, how she tried to put all her emotions into words. She played with her wedding ring as she thought about what was worrying her the most, about why homecoming was making her so upset when she should be so happy.

"Mike comes home in three weeks, and I am happy, I can see him and hug him, and he can see his children, you know, his little girl, but a part of me is dreading it." Andrea shook her head as she spoke, she didn't really understand it herself, meaning she didn't expect Georgia to say much.

"Can you pinpoint any event or emotion you're dreading?" Andrea thought for a moment.

"Falling back into a routine. I have worked so hard over these four months to keep a routine going, especially with Madilyn, what if he doesn't agree with it, or can't adjust to the routine I have? I don't want to argue with him, you know?" Andrea didn't know if she was making sense, but she had to admit, that was her biggest worry. Three years ago, they did it together, both deploying and coming home, they found a routine together, but this time, Mike would almost be on his own.

"Has he asked you about Madilyn's routine? Or Amy and Katie's?"

"A few times,"

"So, he's aware of what you're doing, and I think a part of Mike must know things will change. This could be something you talk to him about on your next phone call. You have another one before he docks, right?" Andrea nodded again, crossing her arms over her chest to give herself a little bit of comfort.

"Andrea, I know you have a lot of worries, but from our other sessions, knowing you and also because of something you said a few weeks ago, I think you are not dreading his homecoming, I think you are worried about what will come after. If I may, can I bring up the fears that Katie and Amy shared with you?" Georgia asked.

Andrea took a deep breath.

"They have a point." It was hard to admit, but that conversation, as much as she promised the girls that Mike would work had to be around, it worried her as well.

"Him coming home is the start of his career as a Navy Captain. Now he has trained cadets, he will be assigned missions, he could be away for six to eight months at a time." Andrea gave a sad smile.

"I know who I married, and I knew then and I know now that this would happen, this is the new normal, this is what he spent three years training for, but the minute he comes home, he's just awaiting orders for his next deployment,"

"And that's what you're worried about?"

"I'll cope, but a part of me is unsure if I can play the role of a military spouse, a part of me wondered if I can keep going while he's gone." Andrea hated the words that left her mouth because, for the first time in three years, she felt as though she had put doubt on her own marriage.

* * *

Andrea watched as Madilyn played with the notebook she was about to write in.

"Hey, be careful, that's for daddy." Andrea smiled as Madilyn opened some of the pages grabbing at whatever she could.

Andrea wanted to ask if she could say 'da-da' and she knew she probably should have prompted her but a part of her didn't want to, just because she wanted Mike here to see it or even just hear it over the phone so at least he could hear the moment Madilyn began to speak, or at least try to speak.

Her thoughts spiralled from there. Not so much so she couldn't focus, but just enough to keep her quiet. One of the differences between Madilyn and Lily was that Madilyn was fine rolling around. She liked to be held and cuddled, but she also like rolling on her back and trying to move on her stomach, but Lily, Lily only ever wanted to be held, she wanted to always be with someone and when she did take her first steps, it took her a long time before she felt okay doing it on her own and not with Andrea or Bill.

Andrea thought about what she had said to Georgia, she wondered if it was just in the moment or if deep down she was scared about her marriage and what was going to happen next. She was doing okay, and she was sure on his next deployment and the one after that she would be fine, but a part of her wasn't sure if it's what she wanted. Maybe she did get too used to having Mike home at night.

"Do you want daddy to stay home?" Andrea asked her daughter, knowing that one day she would answer her back.

"Huh? Shall we ask daddy to stay home?" Andrea shook her head as she spoke, knowing that no matter how she felt she could never ask Mike to stay home.

She could never ask him to quit his job or to change his role. She forced herself to remember how accepting he had been when she had asked to stay on base and not deploy anymore, she needed to be accepting of his decision just like she had done with hers, without judgement or hatred.

"I think, we should go to the park. Then we can come home and write some stuff for daddy." She needed to clear her head, and maybe speak to someone other than her baby. She loved Madilyn more than life itself, but she needed some adult conversation, she needed something normal.

Just before she went to move, she stopped, looking at Madilyn, thinking how oblivious she was to all her mother's worries.

Andrea worried about her marriage. Could she cope with Mike being away? Could the girls cope? Would she end up hating him for it? She knew who she married, she knew who she'd fallen in love with and they'd spoken about deployments, but it hadn't really sunk in until Amy and Katie had spoken to her. It seemed all three of them worried about the future, not just Mike's deployments, but everything.

Eventually, she would go back to work and Maddy would grow up and start pre-school, not that Andrea wanted her baby to grow up, but they would fall into that routine. Andrea had also toyed with the idea of having more children, but she wanted to make that decision with her husband, but with or without more children, eventually, the family would find some kind of normality.

She smiled, thinking of how well Bill coped with her constant deployments and being a stay at home dad. He knew who he married, and he loved her and accepted that they would move from place to place and she would miss important dates and events.

A part of her wished Bill was still here, so she could ask him how he did it. How he coped, how he still loved her. It was almost like she wanted to be there for Mike like Bill had been there for her. Not that she would tell Mike that, but even if she did, she was sure Mike would understand somehow.

Maybe she would tell Mike how she felt? She would explain to him how scared she was for the future, what she wanted, what she didn't want. She didn't expect answers, but at least if he knew then maybe the could start a conversation. He was her husband after all, and before that he was her Commanding Officer, Mike always seemed to know what to do and say, and although this situation was personal, and Andrea wasn't expecting a fully detailed plan for the next ten years, he could just tell her it would be okay, and that would be enough until he got home.

Madilyn stopped her train of thought by letting out what sounded like a squeal. Andrea smiled, leaning down to pick her up.

"Oh, Maddy, what are we going to do?" She held the little girl close to her chest, kissing the side of her head, before getting off the couch and aiming to get ready so she could take Madilyn out, get some decent coffee, and have some adult conversation.

* * *

Andrea was in the bedroom when Mike called. Madilyn had been asleep for a few hours and Andrea had begun the task of folding the laundry.

" _It's so good to hear your voice," Mike said first._

"That bad of a week, huh?" Andrea chuckled slightly, folding another one of Madilyn's baby grows.

" _The closer we get to home the harder it gets. It's like we're so close, yet so far and as I keep getting reminded anything can happen." Mike explained._

"Well, let's hope nothing does happen. Three more weeks and you'll be home," Andrea reminded him, although she tried, she couldn't add any excitement to her voice.

" _How have you been?"_

"Good, you know, dealing with the kids, making sure the engineering cadets don't drown in dry dock," Andrea sighed slightly, now she was being blunt, and she hated that.

" _How can you drown in dry dock?"_

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, love, just know that it can happen, apparently, which was a pleasant thing to wake up to on a Monday morning, with a screaming baby and two very irritable teenagers who did not want to go to school," Andrea paused, pushing the laundry baskets off the bed so she could sit down, trying to think of what else to say.

She knew that he could tell, her head wasn't in it and she was sure her voice gave that away.

"How have you been?" She went on to ask, but she didn't get a reply.

" _Andrea,"_

"Yeah?"

" _Something's wrong, I can tell." Andrea closed her eyes momentarily, taking in a breath, there was no way he knew._

"Everything's fine, love," She said, she wasn't sure she could do this now.

" _It doesn't sound fine, you sound worried, what's wrong?" His voice was calm and caring, and everything that Andrea needed, but she needed it at home, she didn't want to pour her feelings out to him over the phone, knowing she would have to go to bed and he was still in the middle of the ocean._

"It's just been a difficult week, I had a session with Georgia, and you know how it is, you say things and you try and figure it out, and then it's time to go home and you're left figuring out how to bottle all your feelings back up until your next session."

" _Anything I can help with?"_ Andrea thought for a moment.

"I don't want to make things difficult for you. You've still got three weeks left and I don't want to," Andrea couldn't find the right word.

" _Whatever it is we'll figure it out, but, you're worrying me, love."_

"It wasn't my intention, I honestly didn't think you would notice," She heard Mike chuckled, who was she kidding, he knew her better than she knew herself some days.

" _Well, I did. So, out with it, what's going on?"_

Andrea tried to start a sentence a few times, but she had no idea what to say, or where to start. She knew what she needed to say but a part of her didn't want to. Mike was so close to being home and she didn't want to ruin anything while he was still at sea.

"I think I'm just nervous about you being home. Not in a bad way, I've missed you and I want you here and the kids are so excited, but we can't be certain it will all be okay," Andrea paused,

"Over these last four months, me and the kids have got a routine going and I know you've asked and you're going to try and fall into it, but you hear all these stories about sailors not coping and, I'm only just coping myself," Andrea stopped herself, taking a breath.

" _Andrea, it will be okay. I know things are different, I wasn't expecting things to change, four months is a long time,"_

"I can't lie to you, Mike,"

" _Then don't, sweetheart."_

"I just," She paused again.

" _Whatever it is, I promise you, we will work it out, just like we have done before," Andrea knew she needed him here just to hold her and reassure her._

"When you get home, you're not really going to be home. The minute you come back you're just awaiting orders, and it's only a matter of time before you redeploy and then it's six months and eight months and I'm worried that we won't be okay." It was hard for Andrea to admit it, more so because she knew how hard he was trying to make it all work, to balance home life with his job.

" _When I get home, my only priority is you and my girls. I know that now we will be getting back to normal, and there will be deployments and I won't lie to you, they will be six months and eight months long, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. But, Andrea, we will be okay,"_

"You don't know that Mike," Andrea couldn't stop her voice from breaking slightly as she tried not to cry.

" _No, I don't, but I will try like hell to make sure it's okay. I screwed up my first marriage because of this job, I won't lose you and the kids because of it. Andrea, you are the most important thing in my life, and I need you to know that." She could hear the pain and truth in her husband's voice._

"I just don't want to lose this, us, our family. I want normal, but I don't want a normal that's going to break us apart, and I can't do this on my own, I can't bring up Maddy on my own, I don't want to."

" _You won't have to, I'm coming home, and I promise, once I am there we will talk about all of this for however long you need, but for right now, I need you to know that I love you and that we are okay, Andrea."_

Andrea took a deep breath to calm herself, before wiping away her tears.

"I love you, Mike. Just, come home, okay?"

" _I'm coming home, love."_

"Good,"

" _I love you, Andrea, so, so much."_

"I love you too, I love you too…"

* * *

Please let me know what you think! Reviews mean everything. Thank you for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thoughts of Home.**

 **Part 9.**

I did google how long it would take by ship, but, I got nothing, so I know this is probably not accurate, but I hope you can forgive me.

Reviews are loved and appreciated! Thank you for all the other reviews!

Any mistakes you see are my own, but I hope you enjoy part 9.

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

Month four: Mike.

Mike had lost count of how many times he felt as though his heart had shattered while he'd been on the Nathan James. It was more times that he would admit, but after his conversation with Andrea, a few days ago, he didn't feel his heart break. Of course, he was hurt to know that was how his wife felt but he was almost happy, because he knew now he could go home and prove to her and his daughters that he wouldn't mess this up, and that he would be there for them, and that he would love Andrea until he couldn't anymore. It made him determined almost.

He couldn't be mad at her. Mike couldn't be upset or angry, instead, he could only feel happy that Andrea had chosen to be honest with him, which, after all they'd been through meant a lot. At least he knew how she felt and he could take steps to make it better. He loved her, and he knew where she was coming from, completing the training mission would mean he would get new orders, but he wanted to make sure that they would get through this, and he hoped he could put his family first and they felt as though they were being put first.

Mike had enjoyed his four months at sea. This was who he was and while the three years he'd spent on land was full of love and family, getting married and having a baby, he desperately wanted to be at sea and that wasn't something he had kept from Andrea, just like he wouldn't lie when he got home, he would tell her how much he'd enjoyed it, and although worried, he wanted to be back out there. A part of him knew Andrea would be happy for him. He knew honesty and openness was part of the reason they worked so well, neither of them shied away from telling the truth.

It was his hope that when he got home when he could hold his wife again when they could speak again without the delayed response and interruptions they would sort this out. They would be open and honest and eventually, they would both feel better. Andrea would talk about how worried she was that they wouldn't last, and Mike would be open and honest about how he wanted to redeploy and somewhere in there they would talk about their family, their marriage, the job and eventually, like always, they would figure it out.

He wanted to work it out. In the last five year's he'd changed. Andrea, the pandemic, believing Christine and his girls were gone, knowing Lucas had died, it had all changed him, and in most ways for the better. A part of him believe he did it because he knew what it was like to lose them, and he didn't want to lose them because he got angry at the wrong moment. He had certainly changed, maybe more personally than professionally, but then again, everyone had been affected by the trauma's they'd seen.

Picking up the phone, he dialled the mandatory numbers to call the mainland, wanting to hear Andrea's voice one last time before he pushed himself into the final leg of his deployment. After this phone call, the next time he would hear her voice would be when he docked.

" _Hello?"_

"Andrea, love?"

" _Mike! I wasn't expecting you to call!" He could hear the happiness in her voice and felt a wave of relief, hopefully, she was feeling better than she had done a few days ago._

"I wasn't planning to, but I wanted to check in,"

" _Well, we are all okay. I've just dropped all the kids off at school and daycare. How are you?"_

"I'm good, sweetheart. I know I shouldn't bring it up, but about the other day, how are you holding up?" He heard Andrea sigh a little, he didn't want to rush the conversation, but he was on the clock.

" _I'm doing okay, it felt good to tell you. I think now I've had time to think it through I feel better. I spoke to Georgia again, and I think I was overthinking things and creating problems that weren't there, because," Andrea paused, and Mike could imagine her shrugging as she tried to form a sentence._

" _Our marriage is strong, and I love you, and the last time I checked you loved me, so we're going to be okay." Mike chuckled._

"I do love you, Andrea. We can still talk when I get home and do what we used to do before."

" _I can't wait. I want to know how it's been. I know you've enjoyed being Captain, and of course, you always did look good in uniform, but I think that's a conversation for another time." Andrea said._

"Definitely a conversation for another time, preferably when I am home, and I can do something about it."

" _Mike! It's not a secure line!"_

" _You realise we have a child together, I am pretty sure they're aware of…"_

" _Okay, you've made your point!" Mike could picture his wife going bright red._

" _Look, Mike, I do need to go, I promised Sasha we'd go out for coffee, but before I do, I need to say something, about the other night that's been eating at me."_

"Go for it, love."

" _I am proud of you, and I am happy for you, Mike. I know how much you wanted this, and although it terrifies me, I am okay with you redeploying, I know who I married, and well, you have always respected and supported me, and my choices and I want you to know that I will respect and support yours. I just wanted to say it, so you knew,"_

"We will talk about all of this when I get home, but it means a lot that you'll support me, and I will support you, whatever you choose to do. We will sort this out Andrea, you've made me too happy for me to screw this up because of a deployment." Mike admitted.

" _So, I will see you when you get home, Captain Slattery."_

"You will indeed, Mrs, Slattery. I love you,"

" _I love you too, Mike. Stay safe."_

* * *

Nothing changed when it came to the emotions of going home. It was the same every time, it made no difference who Mike was going home to, even before he had the kids and it was just himself and Christine, it was always the same. The closer you got to home, the more it seemed to hurt, the more you missed your family, the more you wanted to see them. It proved to nearly every sailor that the saying was true, you were so close, yet so far.

Mike had asked Tom a few times what it felt like to make that call. To announce to a ship of over 200 sailors that you were going home, that after such a long drawn out period of time, you could finally step foot on land and hug your loved ones again.

Tom had said, for just a few seconds you almost felt like God. In the moment it made Mike laugh, he remembered years ago, when they first found out about the pandemic that Tom had wanted to send people home, draw straws for hazmat suits, Mike had said then it wasn't his place, he didn't get to play God with the crew. Of course, this was different, this wasn't a pandemic, this was good news, this was going home, so Mike could see where Tom was coming from, being able to tell people they were going home, hearing the clapping, and seeing the smile.

Mike had been looking forward to a lot while on deployment. The challenges, the training, and simply being in command with all the ups and downs, but as the mission came to a close, and the cadets became better and more aware, Mike was looking forward to making that call. We are going home. This is the start of your career. You have passed this test. Mike, although now nearly as sentimental as his wife, knew that heading home after four months was personal, heading home after the first at sea training mission in three years was a big thing.

"At least we have a home to go to," Mike whispered to himself, looking around his cabin. It was hard to think that three years ago this was Tom's cabin, that five years ago, this had been where Mike, Tom, Andrea, and the Master Chief had all stood as Tom passed on information about the virus from Doctor Scott. On a more personal level, this had also been where Mike had told Tom about his relationship with Andrea.

The ship was almost like a second home, so much had happened aboard the Nathan James and not just for him, but for so many people, and he had felt so honoured to be the leader of the ship, if only for four months, and he would be honoured to lead the ship on whatever mission came next. Hopefully, the Nathan James would live to fight for many more years and would help a few cadets along the way.

Apart from himself and Andrea, he had to think of the others. Tom had found Sasha again, Kara and Danny had been blessed with Frankie and now they were happily married, Wolf had found a new home with the American Navy, then so many more people who served on the ship, who he was pleased he knew, pleased he met and thankful he served with. No job was too small during the pandemic, and he hoped he could make that known among the new cadets.

As he walked onto the bridge he took over the watch from Alisha, who smiled at him while giving an update, asking a few questions about Andrea and Madilyn before she left to go and get something to eat before heading to her cabin. Mike didn't mind the questions, it made him smile that Alisha took her godmother duties so seriously.

"Captain, if we remain on course, we should arrive at port in 8 days. We have storm front moving in from the west, but satellite images show it's a category two storm, it shouldn't affect our course." Mike nodded to the young man.

"Master Chief, you've seen the cadets, any concerns?" Mike went through all he needed to in his head, right now, he was focused on putting the sailors thought as many training drills as possible.

"They seem to have taken all of their drills pretty seriously, sir."

"Seem to?" Mike asked.

"You can never be too prepared, Sir." Mike nodded.

"See if Wolf or Miller want to go for a swim." The Master Chief nodded with a smile, before turning to give orders.

* * *

"What is this? Storytime?" Mike asked as he entered the crew lounge.

Wolf, Miller, Green and Burk all stood at the front, while the cadets had found seats opposite them, all listening and taking in what the four men were saying.

"Cadets wanted some war stories of our time at sea during the pandemic." Mike gave them a look before nodding. If you had the story, you might as well tell it.

Mike shut the door, leaning on the wall next to it, waiting for the four men to carry on with whatever story they were telling.

"So, you got out of two minefields without blowing the ship to bits?" One of them asked. Mike smiled, Tom had told him that story, one event happening while he and other members of the crew were in Asia.

"Yes, both times making it out alive with minimal damage to the ship, but we did lose one man. That is the thing with all these stories, they very rarely have too much of a happy ending, most of us survived, but a few didn't." Wolf explained, his own loss coming through in his voice.

No matter how hard any of them tried, the ship was full of memories, ghosts of sailors who'd served. It was a good reminder of where they had been, and all they had overcome, each loss a story of how they made it home, but, it still hurt like hell. A mission to the Arctic took one of the deadliest turns in human history. It was incredible to say you survived, but when Mike, and everyone else who was on the ship during the pandemic, got to the point, it would never stop hurting. All the sea burials, all the times the loading bay looked like a military hospital, all the crew who now had advanced medical training, everyone who jumped in without knowing anything, just to save a life. Pride and sadness where the two strongest emotions and they were just on the surface, it went so much deeper.

Mike wanted to laugh, a part of him didn't think he would feel so much, but he couldn't help it. Walking through the passageways, passing certain rooms, hell, the ship was like a museum, all the tactics used, all the close calls and all of the lives lost, the ship was famous, the crew just about, and one day, maybe when Madilyn had grown up and had kids of her own, the Nathan James would be decommissioned and open to the public. Then people could feel the pride, the loss, the heartache, the disbelief, the happiness, and the love that seemed to get people through a virus that took out 80% of the population.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts to focus on what was happening in front of him, looking forward to making the announcement in a few days. To be the one to say they were all going home.

* * *

Three days later Mike got to make that announcement, and he couldn't help but make it personal. He loved his role, he loved the ship, but he loved his wife and kids more. Right now, he was happy to be able to tell the crew that after four months at sea, they would finally be heading back to the Naval Base after a successful training missing.

The success of the training mission was a big deal for Mike too. Training on land for three years seemed too long in Mike's opinion, but with the way the Navy was, they couldn't be at sea for too long, six-week sea trial seemed to be the best they could do. It was a lot of pressure, being the Captain of the ship that saved the world, as well as being the first ship in the fleet to be running missions again, and being close friends with the CNO, it was a lot, but Mike could say with confidence that the crew on board had done the US Navy proud and in four months, Mike had no issues with patrolling the Pacific or the Mediterranean with any of them, now fully confident in their abilities.

"Good Morning, Nathan James, this is your captain speaking,"

"I am pleased to inform you, that after a successful four-month training mission, we are now going home. Well done, Nathan James."

Mike turned to see the officers on the bridge, each of them smiling, shaking hands, and hugging each other, and Mike expected it was the same in CIC, the loading bay and Engine Room.

"I am sure your family will be happy to have you home," Russ said as Mike stepped past him.

"I think a lot of people will be happy to see you too, Master Chief." Russ nodded slightly but stayed silent.

"I think a lot of people will be happy to have us back. This homecoming will surely be better than the last."

"Indeed, it will, Captain, indeed it will."

* * *

It's nearly the end! Thank you for reading, reviews mean so much!


	10. Chapter 10

**Thoughts of Home.**

 **Part 10.**

Part 10 brings us to the end of this story! I hope you all enjoyed it, hopefully, I will be writing more 'Last Ship' stories soon.

This is set the morning after Mike gets home (the morning after the end of Time to Heal)

Reviews are very much loved and appreciated! Thank you for all the lovely reviews throughout this story. Mistakes are all mine, but I promise I did proofread.

(Side note: How would you guys feel about a Tom/Sasha story? Let me know!)

 **Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

* * *

"How long has she been sleeping through the night?" Mike asked quietly.

Both he and Andrea had been awake for a while, neither of them had tried to start a conversation, they seemed content just laying next to each other, making up for the four months of sleeping alone.

"Not long after you left, I wrote it down in her book, she was nearly seven months. I think I spent most of the night checking on her." Mike chuckled. He could picture it, but then again, he and Christine had done the same with their three kids, constantly checking, just to make sure they were okay.

"I still can't believe how big she is, looking through some of those photos she looks so different." Andrea smiled, cuddling into Mikes side some more, she did feel bad, but not guilty, just sad that Mike had missed the last four months of his kids' life, Andrea hoped that now, he could make up for those four months and really get to know his youngest daughter.

"Well, now you have some time to get to know her again. I personally think she's great, she's very good at entertaining herself, and really enjoys eating her own feet, which, I hope she'll grow out of."

"Lucas used to do that, try and chew his feet." Mike smiled at the memory of his son, remembering how different Lucas looked after he came home from deployment.

Andrea sat up a little, looking over at her husband, thankful that he was back home. All of the worries she had before seemed to disappear, a part of her even feeling stupid for doubting it all, and putting herself through that stress, but she couldn't change that now, all she could do was enjoy the time she was spending with her family, and catching Mike up on everything that had happened while he had been away. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Mike shifted his position to pull Andrea back down on the bed, wrapping his arms around her. He didn't have much to say, he didn't know what to say, other than he was happy to be home, but Andrea already knew that. He didn't think either of them could handle a deep and meaningful conversation this early in the morning, so he settled for holding her close, waiting for one of the kids to wake up.

"Would you like some coffee?" Andrea asked, after a few moments of silence.

"In a bit. Right now, I just want to make up for lost time." Mike said, shifting his position so he could look at her, and gage her reaction.

"Is that so?" Andrea said with a smile, having no objects to the suggestion.

Andrea leaned up to look at the clock on the nightstand, smiling a little more as she looked at her husband.

"Well, the kids won't be up for at least another hour. Consider this your homecoming,"

"I will do, Mrs Slattery." Mike would have been fine with whatever happened, this, or the kids waking up, but selfishly he was happy to spend some time with Andrea, without kids, without work, just with his wife, making up for, what he would say, what the longest four months of their married lives.

* * *

Later, that morning, Mike, and Andrea heard the girls getting up. Not that it was late, it was still only 7:45.

"I think your youngest is up," Andrea smiled over at Mike as she was getting up.

"I think you're right, I'll go get her, let's see if she remembers who I am." Andrea nodded, but she couldn't smile too big, she had the same worry Mike did, although he would say he was joking. Of course, Andrea had shown Madilyn pictures of Mike and spoken about him, and then there was the constant hope that Maddy wouldn't forget her father, but she was worried it would take the little girl a little longer to feel comfortable again.

Mike walked across the hall, slowly pushing open the door that led to Maddy's room. Waiting a few seconds before fulling walking in, smiling at the sight of Madilyn sat in her crib, playing with her few stuffed toys.

"Hey, baby girl," Mike said as he reached down to pick her up, hesitant at first, wondering if or not she would cry, Madilyn looked a little confused for a few moments before she let out a small whine, looking around the room. Mike assumed, looking for Andrea.

"It's okay, sweetie." He kissed her head but could see she was upset.

She let out another small whine, but Mike didn't mind, all he could do was hold her close and take in the fact he was home, even if that meant having to refamiliarize himself with his daughter and she with him.

"It's okay, you don't remember me? Huh? It's okay, I love you…"

"Shall we go find, mama?" Mike asked, taking a few steps towards the door.

As he walked into the master bedroom, he laid Madilyn on the bed, letting her wriggle around. The look on Andrea's face told him she'd heard what he'd said over the baby monitor.

"It's okay, we both knew it would be a struggle, and like you said, I need to take this time to get to know her and for her to get to know me." Andrea nodded a little.

"She still loves you, she just needs some more time."

Mike's reply was cut short by the sound of feet hitting the floor further down the hall, he wanted to make a comment about at least these girls knew who he was, but he knew it wasn't the time or the place. A part of him knew coming home would be hard, and even though yesterday Madilyn seemed happy enough to be held, today, clearly it was sinking in that Mike was staying and for someone so little, it was hard to get used to.

Mike couldn't say he was shocked. He had done this before, he knew first-hand homecoming where not always that easy.

* * *

"So, we went to the White House and we met the President. She doesn't seem very Presidential." Katie said as she showed Mike some of the pictures, he couldn't help but stare at them, smiling at how grown up his girls where, how happy they looked.

"Well, I think she's different depending on who's in the White House, I don't think a group of school kids want to know about National Security," Mike said with a shrug, he'd met the President on many occasions after the death of her predecessor, and he had to agree with Katie, on some occasions she really didn't seem presidential, but she was nice enough.

"Anyway, we did loads of other stuff too. We took Maddy to the park a lot and had some of our friends sleep over at mum's house, and we also slept at our friends how too," Amy put in, flicking through some more pages in her notebook.

"Andrea said Maddy likes the park, you two are good sister by going, I know you could have been doing other stuff,"

"We like Maddy, she's small and cute and she's not annoying." Mike couldn't help but laugh.

"I agree, she is very small and very cute, but you two were when you were babies as well, so was your brother, but you didn't like him too much in the beginning because your mum and I wouldn't let you dress him up."

"Andrea has so many pictures of us dressing Maddy up, you'll love them dad!" Katie said with a grin.

"How did the sleepovers go, I hope you weren't giving your mum a tough time?" Before the girls could find the diary entries on the pictures, Andrea appeared in the doorway.

"It was Christine who suggested the sleepovers," Andrea said, holding Maddy on her hip.

"I'm sorry for interrupting daddy-daughter time, but Tom just called he's on his way over." Mike gave the girls a smile, before pulling them both in for a hug.

"I promise, we will sit and keep talking about this later. I want to know what else you girls have done." Mike promised, watching as Amy and Katie got up off the couch.

"It's cool dad, mum said we can come over after school next week to see you if we don't get to tell you everything now." That was something else that Mike had almost forgotten about. It was Saturday, the girls would be going back to their mums in a day.

"We'll sort something out," Mike said.

"I think this one has had a moment of realisation," Andrea said with a smile, as Madilyn began to wriggle in her mother's arms, reaching in the direction of Mike.

"See, I told you she wouldn't forget dad," Amy told Andrea with a look. Andrea only smiled and nodded as she passed the infant over to her father.

"Hey, little one!" Mike couldn't keep the happiness from his voice when Madilyn didn't whine or try to wriggle away.

"Oh, I missed you so much!"

"Now, if only she could say the same back," Andrea said, just before there was a knock at the door.

"She'll talk when she's ready, besides, right now she has two big sisters who do all of her talking for her. Isn't that right, Madilyn?"

* * *

"I'm sorry to interrupt your time with the girls," Tom said with an apologetic smile as he sat on the couch, accepting a cup of coffee off Andrea.

"Thankfully, they get it." Mike gave him a short nod, before accepting his cup off his wife.

"You can stay, if you like Andrea, I hope I bring good news." Andrea sat down next to her husband, the thought of good news bringing a smile to her face, although a part of her knew it wouldn't be the news she wanted.

"Where's the little one?" Tom asked, looking over to the playpen in the corner of the room.

"Being dressed up by her big sisters, I think."

"Better than screaming at the top of her lungs."

"So, this good news you have, do we have to guess or are you going to tell us?" Mike asked with a short laugh, watching his friend carefully.

"You're going to hear it on base, but I want you to know it's not true. The President wanted to transfer you, to the Naval Base in Washington State, she wanted you to lead a unit there, but it's not happening." Mike heard Andrea let out a sigh of relief, and he too was relieved that he wouldn't have to move.

"I know since you've just been away it's not the best time, but a lot of people were in that room when she made the suggestion, I just didn't want either of you to panic when you heard it, and I know it's none of my business, but I gave Christine the heads up too. I didn't want the girls hearing it at school, but I said you would talk to her when you knew more." Mike nodded, he couldn't say he was angry at Tom for going to Christine, he, much like Tom didn't want the girls to hear it from someone else.

"So, it's confirmed, we're not going anywhere?" Andrea asked.

"You're staying here. I know I should have told you, Andrea, but you were dealing with a lot, I didn't think it was fair to put that on you as well." Andrea gave him a smile of understanding.

"Is that all?"

"From a works perspective, yeah, and I just wanted to see how you were. The last time you had your own command few good things came out of it. Apart from you two, of course," Tom added on the end.

"Nice save, Tom," Andrea said as she stood up.

"I'm going to check on the girls, you two can catch up. Thanks for coming over, Tom."

"No worries. Take care of yourself,"

Both men waited until Andrea left the room before they relaxed a little. Mike was grateful for Tom coming over, even if it meant he couldn't give all his attention to the girls. It was nice to speak to someone who knew what it was like to leave your family behind. Of course, Andrea knew what it was like, but it wasn't a conversation Mike wanted to have with her.

"It's good to be home, but it was good to back out there." Tom nodded.

"I spoke to Russ, he said you did well. Although, I think the added man overboard drill annoyed the Vulture team just a little." Mike laughed.

"Well, you're in the middle of the ocean, you have to create fun."

"You're not wrong there. I'm just glad you all made it through, I know how hard it was for you to leave again. New family, but, still you can't help but think of the last time." Mike nodded, before taking a sip of his coffee.

"This time around I knew I was coming home, and I knew who I was coming home too. Okay, four months is nothing compared to the six and eight-month missions, but this time there was no fear of the world ending, there was just the knowledge that I would see my girls again." Mike was being honest and open. He had to keep that in mind. Five years ago, he lost his son, the time after that he nearly lost Andrea, but this time, he told himself that hell couldn't have anything else in store for them, and so he needed to remain positive.

"Just know, that while you are out there, there are people here waiting for you to come home. I promised you I would look after Andrea and the girls if anything happened. That wasn't just a one-time offer, Mike, any time you ship out, you can know that they'll be safe."

"Means a lot, Tom."

"You'd do the same if it were the other way around."

"Yeah, I would."

"Now, I won't take any more of your time. I believe you have a family to catch up with."

* * *

"How long was Uncle Tom here for?" Amy asked.

"Not long, darling. He just wanted to check in." Mike said. Amy and Katie were sat on the couch switching their attention between the TV and Mike.

"So, nothing about you leave again?" She asked, turning to look at her father who was playing with Madilyn.

"No, nothing about leaving again. I promise the moment that comes up you will be the first to know." Mike reassured her, but he knew it wouldn't do much good, she would always worry.

"Technically the third and fourth people to know. Uncle Tom will tell you, then you'll tell Andrea and then you'll tell us." Katie said, almost absentmindedly as she changed the channel.

"If you wanted to be exact about it, then yes."

"Yeah, I think Andrea might kill you if you didn't tell her. Or at least hurt you."

"Who might I kill?" Andrea asked from the doorway, looking between the girls and Mike.

Mike chuckled slightly, shaking his head, waiting for Katie to explain.

"You might kill dad if he didn't tell you about his next deployment." Andrea shrugged and nodded.

"You're probably right. Anyway, it's time for the little one to go to bed, I do not want to be dealing with an unhappy child tomorrow," Andrea said, stepping into the room to pick Madilyn up off Mike's chest.

"I can do it," Mike said with a smile.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, why not? Not like I didn't raise three kids before this one." Andrea smiled, before handing her daughter back over to Mike, thankful to see that Madilyn had now realised who Mike was.

"Let me say goodnight to her!" Amy almost shouted as she jumped off the couch before Mike could leave the room.

Mike smiled, he couldn't believe he and Andrea had worried so much about how the girls would react to their new sibling.

At least he'd come home to a loving family.

* * *

It was getting close to midnight when Mike and Andrea finally got to bed. Mike had stayed up late talking to Katie and Amy, knowing that tomorrow they would be tired and possibly cranky, but he wanted to spend time with them before they went back to Christine's, trying hard to fit four months into one evening.

"Your first full day back home, how does it feel?" Andrea asked as they got ready for bed.

"Good. I mean, it's home and I've missed you all, I don't know how to put it into words." Andrea smiled.

"I didn't think you were that kind of person, to get all deep and sentimental." Mike nodded, he wasn't, or at least he wasn't in public, but at home, with her, it was different.

"Well, I am happy to have you home."

The two of them laid in bed, both of them content with the silence, just laying close together. Andrea thankful to be near him again, feeling happy with how the day had gone, with how the kids were. She was looking forward to the next few weeks, getting settled again, finding a routine that worked.

Mike couldn't wish for anything more than what he got when he got home. Love from his wife, and his older girls and Madilyn in the end, even if it did take her a while to adjust, but Mike knew they'd all be okay, he was home, and right now that was all that mattered.

"What you said, last night," Mike began, breaking the silence.

"About a baby, I know it's not going to happen right away, but were you being serious?" Mike had to ask, it had been playing on his mind since she'd said it. Wondering if it was real or if she was just talking to fill the silence. He would be fine with either, he just wanted to know for sure.

"I want a baby, I've always wanted more kids. It was the plan with Bill, we both wanted a big family, and although a few years ago I was so unsure, I think that want and that wish has come back for me." Andre turned her head to look at him.

"I just wanted to know, be sure, I think you know my thoughts on the idea." Andrea laughed a little, trying to be quiet.

"Yeah, I think you made that pretty clear." Mike pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her.

"How did you get through the four months without breaking down like I did?" Andrea asked.

Mike kissed her neck before answering, wondering if either of them wanted to have this conversation now. There were so many ups and downs, and he was sure there were moments when he could have lost it.

"I don't know, I guess I pushed myself into work, and just reminded myself I had people who were waiting for me to come home." He used Tom's words, but they were true.

"At times this wasn't home,"

"No?"

"My mother used to tell me that home is not a place, but a feeling. At first, home was with Bill, then Lily, then with 200 other sailors, and then with you. You were thinking of home, but so was I."

"I'm here now, love," Mike whispered, before moving his hand to hold one of hers.

"I know,"

"Just know that no matter where I am, I love you."

"I love you too, Mike."

There wasn't anything else either of them could say. Mike was home, and until he left again, everything in Andrea's world would be okay, and even when he did leave again, she would keep on healing, and keep on thinking of home, wherever he was.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading! What did you think of that ending? Reviews mean so much! Thank you for all the lovely support. Bethany.


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